Some cool history nerd over at WeirdJews has dug up a Harper’s Bazaar article from 1898 written by Mark Twain entitled “Concerning The Jews.” In it, Twain answers a letter from an American lawyer who wants to know why the world hates “the Jew” so much when history has shown us to be such a “quiet, undisturbing, and well-behaving citizen… It seems that ignorance and fanaticism cannot alone account for these horrible and unjust persecutions.”

This was written over 100 years ago–before World War I, before the Holocaust, before the birth of Israel. He points out that it can’t be the Crucifixion that started it all, since people hated Jews way before Jesus came to town. He blames it on envy of Jewish smarts, and our way with money.

We got chills when Twain opines that the persecution of the Jews has come to an end, except for “here and there in spots about the world, where a barbarous ignorance and a sort of mere animal civilization prevail; but I do not think that elsewhere the Jew need now stand in any fear of being robbed and raided.” He cites Vienna as a place where Jews could be “comfortably situated.” (Austria? The little country next to Germany that turned over all its Jews to the Nazis practically overnight? Eeek.)

Some things ring rather disturbing, like the bit about Jews taking over industry and lying to the census. But if you slog through some of the old-fashioned language to the end (though mostly the writing is as fresh and clear as a mountain morning), you begin to realize you’ve been had by America’s greatest social satirist. He clearly admires the Jewish people and abhors the stereotypes associated therein, as evidenced in his closing paragraphs.

Read the whole thing and let us know what you think.

If we didn’t support many of their points, we’d feel a little afraid of JewishWomenWatching.com. This group is trying to incense Jewish voters to throw W outta the house, but the name conjures up a female secret militia creeping around in Prada loafers and wearing disapproving expressions (maybe we just have mother issues.) Anyway, we’re glad they’re out there. As long as they stay out of our room.

Gal Friedman had the wind in his sails right up to the finish line. His victory means “Hatikvah” was played at a medal ceremony for the first time in history– a victory unto itself.

From jta: The Twin Mensches of the MTV Generation lend their fame to make Israel cool again. We really hope it works.
By the way boys, are those donuts kosher? (story link c/o Jewschool).
And what’s up with mustard for breakfast?

Isn’t this pretty? Discovered August 7 in the wheat fields of Salisbury, England, it’s one of many dazzling patterns stamped into this year’s harvest. We understand that appreciating crop circles outs us as extreme California weirdos, but just take a look: the patterns are so geometrically true, as if they could only be constructed from above. The larger photos will blow your mind for the precise perfection of the individual stalks. Not all crop circles contain Jewish symbols, but many depict themes and sacred patterns common to all humanity.
There’s a group, Circlemakers, that claims responsibility for the dozens of circles that have been documented during the summer in this part of England for at least a century, but they must be very busy since circles like this reportedly happen overnight, sometimes during severe storms.
We’re not saying we’re hardcore believers or anything, but anyone or anything who could punch out something so magnificent with no lights and sh*tty weather leaving nothing so much as a footprint deserves a little reverence. We don’t care if it was laid out by Kabbalistic aliens, hoax-lovin’ Hebrew school dropouts or Hare Krishna elves jacked up on crank, we think they’re trying to tell us something.

We’ve joined the fan club of Olympic fencer Sada Jacobson and so should you. The 21 year-old Southern Jewish belle scored the bronze in Athens last week, making her the first female American fencer to medal at the Olympics.
Dude. Chicks with swords are hot.

Our favorite Bay Area radio talk show host Pete Wilson led a heated discussion today about the upcoming American tour of Jerusalem Bus 19, which won’t be driven to its various stops since a Palestinian terrorist bombed it into shrapnel back in January. The bomb killed 11 and maimed many more. Wilson, whom we adore for his stubborn moderate fairness, moderated Sanne DeWitt from the Israel Action Committee who is responsible for bringing the bus to San Francisco, and Ramiz Rafeedie of the American Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, who plans to protest the exhibit.
Interestingly enough, the Bus 19 tour was organized by Christians for Israel, a Dutch group that speaks out against anti-Semitism and anti-Israeli propaganda.

The lack of jucier news forces us to report that the Mel Gibson’s blood-sodden vision of history, The Passion of the Christ, will be released on video August 31. We know this movie caused uproars and picketing among Jews when it was released in theaters, but we skipped all that for Shanghai Knights because we’re shallow Owen Wilson sycophants and just looking at a photo of this guy gives us a headache.
With all due respect to our homeboy JC, we’ll stick to the original version.

Rumors abound that Madonna is fed up with being the Kabbalah Center’s mascot. Besides asking her for money all the time, she’s incredibly pissed that her trip to Israel for the High Holidays was leaked to the press.
Perhaps she’ll groom Britney to fill her Jimmy Choos- can we stomach Ms. Skank Homewrecker singing in Yiddish? Wethinks not. More importantly, does this mean Manhattan’s Kabbalah school will just be another boring old Montesorri?

After becoming the number one Jew to sit shivah for in the last two weeks (second to Ron Bensmihon), Golan Cipel wants everyone to know that not only did he not blow ex-New Jersey governor Jim McCreevey, he’s not even gay.
That’s what he’s hawking over the wires, but nobody’s buying, especially in light of how he apparently lied to get his security-sensitive job with McCreevey’s administration in the first place.