What do you do when your weekend is held hostage by a hurricane? Watch DVDs! We discovered this gem from 2002 (Nowhere in Africa) that won the academy award for best foreign film (which is why we gave it a chance) about a Jewish family living in exile in Africa during World War II. The movie is in German and Swahili as you see two tribes (Jews & Africans) come together and exchange cultural influences like when the Jewish women walk around top-less like their African counterparts and when the locals find out that lobster shouldn

This essay from GOAZCATS.com, the”Totally Unofficial U of A Fansite,” is so much more than some guy’s slobbering ode to college basketball. It’s damn near a cultural tour de force, invoking memories of those evil polyester shorts PE coaches used to wear and quotes from “Revenge of the Nerds,” NJB Zack Selwyn, a singer/songwriter/actor-y type who appeared on ESPN’s “Dream Job” a while back, surely has a future as the sports commentator on The Daily Show. We promise, even those of you for whom basketball is a distant memory of junior high PE class, you’ll find it f*ing hilarious.

Our palms are a bit sweaty as Hurricane Frances barrels its way mainland, since most of Jmerica’s brains and all of its brawn reside in Miami. Many Floridians are evacuating to higher ground (pussies), but we’re too busy choreographing an anti-hurricane voodoo hora to shove Frances off course to some trailer park in Port St. Lucie. If you don’t hear from us, you’ll know it didn’t work.

We came across http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/ for the first time today, and boy, are we sorry. We don’t have a lot of patience for the kind of vanity that makes a woman do this to herself; her plastic surgeon should be arrested. Isn’t there such a thing as an intervention for people like this?
Interestingly enough, we didn’t find many Jewish celebs on this site; mostly it’s bad shixsa boob jobs. Guess our kind knows the best doctors.

Tonight, when Bush delivers his party acceptance speech, instead of pelting the TV with the last of the season’s heirloom tomatoes, we have the option of engaging in some good ol’ fashioned civil diobedience. Way left radio talk show host and author Al Franken is urging us all to organize our political angst into The Great American Shoutout, to take place the moment Mr. President steps to the podium. Groups of people all over the land will put down the remote, throw open the windows and join together in one earthshaking “fuhgeddaboudit!” Of, if that New Yorkism falls flat on your tongue, shouters are encouraged to customize their epithet according to locale. You can find a shout party near you or go it solo, but leave those tomatoes alone.

Things are mighty quiet around here in our Northern California borough since half the town defected to Black Rock, Nevada for the almighty freak show known as Burning Man. We’ve never been, even though we drive a VW bus (the oxymoronic issue of a Jew driving Volkswagon will be cleared up at another time); we’ve always had to, y’know, like, work. And crowds of naked painted people on drugs freak us out. Add in the heat, the dirt, the ATVs and the potential idol-worshiping violation and it’s a ready-made panic attack. As much as we’d like attend ecstatic Shabbat services at the Black Rock JCC or see our mad genius neighbor dash around the playa on his engine-run vehicle composed of one giant tractor wheel, we prefer the peace and quiet. That’s what we’re telling ourselves, anyway.

Celebrity Kabbalah’s poster skank Britney Spears and her trailer trash fiance Kevin Federline have jettisoned their plans for a Jewish wedding, opting instead for a ceremony presided over Catholic monks in Malibu. Damn, no tinfoil chuppah.
Perhaps the Kabbalah Center’s media golden age has begun to wane; even our beloved Madge is daring to question where all the money she gives to the Bergs actually goes. We’ll be so bereft, though, when celebs begin to latch on to another, less relevant (to us, anyway) PR-loving cult; we’ve truly enjoyed the ride.