Delving further into the Jewish/Krispy Kreme connection: the organizers of a Jewish celebration trade show in Issaquah, WA (near Seattle, sounds like a nice place!) constructed a pyramid of donuts, roughly with the dimensions of a zaftig bride (5’3″ and yay wide), and pronounced it the world’s largest donut wedding cake. The Guinness Book of World Records has yet to deem it so, since no one’s ever had the chutzpah to try it, let alone actually serve it at their wedding. That could change, though: Donut cakes are cheap, kosher and finger lickin’ tasty. We can get over the tackiness of this new trend, as long as the groom doesn’t crush a Styrofoam coffee cup on the bima.

We’ve been receiving e-mails galore from some of our favorite females concerning President Bush’s appointment of one Dr. W. David Hager to the FDA, so apparently many of you already know that the author of As Jesus Cared for Women: Restoring Women Then and Now is not a huge fan of reproductive rights. It seems ridiculous that a man who refuses to prescribe birth control to unmarried women and suggests that those suffering from premenstrual syndrome should seek help from the Scriptures would be in charge of the crucial decisions made by the FDA’s Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee, but according to urban myth detectives Snopes.com, all the worry is for good reason. While some sites decry the e-mail, circulating since 2002, as “outdated”, Snopes reports that it’s been given new life since Bush’s re-election. Hager has been serving on the FDA since 2003 and was reappointed in June of this year, but not as chairman.
Still, it could’t hurt to e-mail President Bush and say “I oppose the appointment of Dr. Hager to the FDA Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee. Mixing religion and medicine is unacceptable. Using the FDA to promote a political agenda is inappropriate and seriously threatens all women’s health.”
Feel free to add “This guy’s a schmuck. Get us a real doctor.” And some Midol, ASAP.

Some poor guy in L.A. with the misfortune of sharing the same name as *hott* Jewish Maroon 5 rocker Adam Levine has started a web site to diffuse the frusturation of getting pornographic phone calls from teenage girls in the middle of the night. Dude, uh, what’s the problem? Enjoy your fifteen minutes, however misplaced.
c/o Jewsweek Jewriffic Awards.

Our Madge seems to be taking her role as Jewish baleboosta quite seriously. She’s been urging her Kaballah sista Demi Moore to marry baby beau Ashton Kutcher and “wants to be involved with every aspect of planning the wedding.”
Now, what would a “traditional” Kabbalah wedding planned by Madonna look like? Will Rabbi Berg lip sync the 72 names of God? Will the groomsmen levitate instead carrying the bride and groom around on chairs? Will Demi wear the dress from the “Like A Virgin” video and throw a red bendel bouquet?

Attention all Target shoppers: You need not worry any longer about being harassed by a bell-ringing, red-suited Salvation Army representative in front of the store this holiday season (at least in Denver) since the beggars have been banned from their tradition of soliciting your spare change. For those of you who still need to avoid the guilt-tripping red kettle, don’t make eye contact and keep moving. You can pass on your pennies to one of the many Jewish charities in need of your tzedakah this Chanukah.
c/o Fark.

J. reports that a 24/7 cable network dedicated to Jewish programming is in the works out of New Jersey.

As London gets set to welcome the gay and Jewish Nathan Lane for its premiere of The Producers (having hastily replaced Richard Dreyfuss), journalist Toby Young recalls interviewing the pot-bellied superstar for Vanity Fair in his own one-man show, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. Young did a fantastic job alienating Lane, and when Lane left the room after Young’s bombing queries, Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter chewed him a new one:
“What were you thinking? You can’t ask celebrities whether they’re Jewish or gay. In future, just assume they’re all Jewish and all gay, OK?”

Just in case someone on your e-mail train forgot to send it to you. Be sure to remember it, since it’s sure to be included on one of those “No Child Left Behind” standardized tests.

Boston area Jmericans may want to peel open their eyes on Saturday for Temple Beth Abraham’s “Starbucks Shabbat,” a casual prayer experience designed “to support adults who might feel intimidated about attending Shabbat services because they feel unfamiliar with the liturgy and ritual. Starbucks Shabbat also supports those who find it difficult to get up and out on Shabbat morning without an ample supply of freshly brewed coffee!”
Certainly, synagogues need all the creativity they can muster to get us “casual Jews” out of bed for weekly services, but the association of Shabbat with corporate branding gives us a the kind of nausea we get when we suck down a latte on an empty stomach. No, Virginia, nothing is sacred.
*sigh*. Good Shabbos, caffieneheads.