You’ve got to hand it to the Kabbalah Center for their never-ending search for viable profit streams: The L.A.-based Center has announced their latest product is a Kabbalah energy drink to be hawked by celebrity Kabblahblahist Ashton Kutcher, which should inspire legions of sorority girls to start mixing it in their cocktails.
Kabbalah Center spokesman Darin Ezra says, “We’re going after the Red Bull market. But Kabbalah Energy Drink tastes better.”
Marketing slogans, anyone?

From JTA: “All eight varieties of Triaminic [have] received the kosher stamp of approval from the Orthodox Union…The approval is believed to be the first time the Orthodox Union, the world largest’s largest kosher certifying agency, has certified an over-the-counter medicine as kosher.”
Other varieties of cough syrups and such can contain glycerine, which is not kosher as it is sometimes derived from horse bones or something equally disgusting. That’s enough right there to make us search out the big “U” next time we have the sniffles.

The legions of dissatisfied members of a certain mongo Jewish dating site are growing: While JDatesGoneWrong doesn’t have the same anti-corporate kvetch vibe of our fave Jdaters Anonymous, we had a snicker at the disturbing tales of poor oral hygiene, passive-aggressive behavior and bad manners.

We can’t believe someone hasn’t thought of this before, but here’s a way for the observant to have some light on Friday night without having to deal with some Shabbos goy traipsing around the house jiggling the wall switches. Because the Kosherlamp uses a shade, it is approved by the halachic powers that be, which makes us really happy for all our Orthodox friends who never get to read in bed on Shabbat.

Yitzhak (Ishaq) Levin of Kabul passed away last week, making Zevulun Simantov the last remaining Jew in Afghanistan. You’d think Zev might be lonely, having to care for the tiny synagogue all by himself, but apparently he’s glad Levin is out of the way so he can exercise full control over his congregation…of no one. He told the JPost that he felt “no sadness” at the passing the only other person in the entire country who shared his religious and spiritual views: “He was a very bad man who tried to get me killed…Now I am the Jew here. I am the boss.”
Yes, but who will he dress for on the High Holidays?

Poor Rodney Dangerfield. He’s been dead for months now, but some geek CNN producer called up his publicist last week to see if the network get a comment for a story on Johnny Carson’s demise. The publicist reportedly said yes, but only if CNN had a satellite hook-up to heaven.

Carlos Salas and conservative congregation Beth Shalom of Whittier, California have launched an “unprecedented” membership drive to bring Los Angeles area Latinos of Jewish origin back to their rightful heritage.
“We call them conversos,’ says Salas. “They are people who survived the Spanish Inquisition by converting to Catholicism. To avoid persecution, many of them moved to Mexico. While they practiced Catholicism outwardly, they still lit candles on Friday night and did many of the Jewish rituals.’
Possibly the first Spanish/Hebrew teacher ever in L.A., Salas teaches at a two synagogues in Mexico (one in Baja, one in Tijuana, which he founded and has 72 families.) He says he will have no problema finding Latinos to join Beth Shalom and estimates 3 out of every 10 Latino people have Judaism somewhere in their ancestry.
We’re really excited to see what this fusion of cultures means for modern Judaism; perhaps we will move away from a stereotypical, Eastern European, Askenazic view of ourselves. And there’s something truly hip about a mariachi hora, dontcha think?