After being linked to Kabbalah mania last year, it appears soccer superstar David Beckham has authentic Jewish origins: Ynet News reports he “recently found out” his mum comes from a Jewish family. Like other Judeophilic celebrities, he used the occasion to acquire a Hebrew tattoo, a famous quotation from “The Song of Songs”: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”
His wife, the former Posh Spice, who as far as we know is still not Jewish, liked it so much she got a matching one for herself. Of all his tattoos, including the giant cross on his neck, Beckham says this one is the “most romantic.”
As much as we appreciate the romanticism of matching tattoos (dare we admit in our youth we, um, not only thought it was a good idea but actually went out and did it?) and the inch-by-inch ink reportage of David Beckham’s naked body, we’re actually more interested on why his “coming out” has taken so long to catch on.

…the shofar? Got a video camera? The National Jewish Outreach Program wants to see 3-5 minutes of your “tekiah,” “shevarim,” “teruah,” “shevarim-teruah” and “tekiah gedolah,” along with “your thoughts on the meaning of the shofar and why you blow it.” The five best honkers win a trip to NYC for the Great Shofar Blast Off in September, so grab you horn!

We gave $18 (18 equals “chai,” meaning “life”� a traditional low-tier amount to give) to a of couple of Jewish organizations last year, so apparently we’ve been placed on every Jewsy philanthropy list ever created. We receive so many sad-looking pamphlets asking us to give a few bucks that it’s overwhelming, especially since our bank account indicates that we barely have enough to buy milk and eggs for ourselves, let alone someone else. We took one look at the American Jewish World Service newsletter and thought “Oh, G*d, not another photo of a starving African kid!” and then immediately felt ashamed of our over-privileged, kvetch-laden selves. So we settled down to actually read about the good works the AJWS does in Uganda and Zimbabwe, where they don’t just throw money at the problems of poisoned water and not enough food but are actually teaching citizens to develop a sustainable agriculture and economy. While most of us have moved on from big, bad wave that swept hundreds of thousands to their deaths, AJWS is still in Sri Lanka and Thailand providing daily relief for the tsunami victims. And of course, there’s the ongoing violence and genocide in Sudan, which we can barely wrap our celebrity-and-Twinkie-filled minds around.
When we read AJWS President Ruth Messinger’s inspiring call for support, we shed a few tears for our own personal apathy:
“Extreme poverty. Extreme conflict. These global challenges sound overwhelming. But we cannot�we must not�retreat to the convenience of being overwhelmed.”
So be it if it means we must suffer (as if we really know what suffering is) more mail with sad faces� we’re splitting the grocery budget with AJWS this month.
Maybe one day we’ll actually get off our tuches and away from the screen to go to one of these horrific places and dig a well, teach people how to prevent AIDS or stand guard at a children’s shelter. For now we can only admire and feel deep gratitude for those who are already doing these things.

Thank you, Shabot6000.
(If you haven’t downloaded some Matisyahu yet, you’re missin’ out. He’s also announced a fall tour SOMEWHERE near you at reasonable ticket prices—we’re going to get down September 21 at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco!)

We grew up in a state that eschewed the screwy concept known as Daylight Savings, and even though it’s been ten years since we moved to California, we still takes a us weeks to adjust to the twice-yearly changes. Now Congress has passed a bill that will extend the sun four more weeks starting in 2007, which makes absolutely no sense to us, but we’re sure someone is profiting, somewhere.
As least we know we’re not the only cranky Jews who think the whole thing is bunk.

We left our hovel to see The Island last weekend and because we’re easy, were thoroughly entertained by Ewan McGregor and kinda-Jewish Scarlett Johansson as naîve clones who search desperately for wardobe alternatives to white spandex.
Johansson has come far from her pouty sidekick days and emerged as a full-fledged movie star (did any of you doubt?), which explains the ginormous billboards of her all over Hollywood Boulevard.
However, no one informed Scarlett of her super-sized status and and she had to stop her car when she drove by one of these said billboards and saw herself in twenty-five foot glory:
“I screamed and slammed on the brakes. I couldn’t believe it. It’s very strange to see my cleavage the size of a brontosaurus. My breasts were huge. I had long hair and my goodness, I couldn’t get past the cleavage.”
Yes, sweetie, the cleavage is gorgeous, even if it was created on some geek’s computer. Judging from the tanking Island box office sales, though, it might not be enough. (Good thing the film had more product placements than a Safeway to boost revenue…)
Hat tip to Jewlicious.

Convicted murderer Ronald Caruso isn’t Jewish, but he’s won the right to eat kosher in prison. The inmate converted to Islam in 1988 and declared his wish to be fed only meat that met halachic standards, as opposed to whatever mystery slop the other guys are served. Prison officials told him if he wanted eat the same kosher meals as the Jewish inmates, he’d have to change his religion to Judaism on record.
Caruso did what many prisoners with a gripe and too much time on their hands do: he filed a lawsuit. Yesterday, U.S. District Court Judge Marcia S. Krieger ruled that he can have his kosher beef and eat it, too, no religious changes necessary. Krieger lambasted the Colorado Department of Corrections for “doing as little as possible” to accomodate inmates’ religious practices and dismissed prison lawyer’s implications that Caruso was insincere in his attempts to maintain a kosher diet.
Frankly, it sounds like this guy is setting himself up for a hit in the shower: Aligning himself with Jewish practices but not the Jews, demanding different food from everyone else, provoking prison employees. If he’s not the sincere religious man the judge believes him to be, he’ll find a way to file a suit about a non-kosher finger in his chili soon enough.

Okay, who sent us the “Osama Bin Laden’s Been Captured” e-mail? We figured it was yet another creative way of getting us to buy generic Viagra manufactured in Botswana, but we found on Snopes.com that the “photo link” actually downloads a dangerous virus that, in no-techie-speak, will f*k up your machine. Bad.
So, just so’s you all understand: Osama’s still on the loose, and we don’t need any freakin’ Viagra, ‘k?