Monthly Archives: January 2006

Weisz: Preggers!

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Rachel WeiszGorgeous and sophisticated Jewish movie star Rachel Weisz and her soon-to-be-husband, director Darren Aronofsky will add a fine-looking member to the tribe sometime in June. Mazel tov!

You’ve already seen what she looks like hugely pregnant and naked if you caught The Constant Gardener last year, a heavy film about pharmaceutical company corruption in Africa. There’s a scene where her belly faces the camera, and this mama thought it looked pretty darn real.

Weisz told People.com that the tummy was “a prosthetic that was stuck on every morning. It was painted to look like my flesh,” but when ssked if the look helped her practice for the real thing, she replied, “I can’t talk about that.”

Which means photos of the real thing are unlikely. But you can always watch the DVD, if that’s your thing.

Bad Boyfriend For Sale In Boston

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marilyn mansonProving you can find anything on Craigslist if you only try.

From the Nov. 15, 2005 ad: Hot Jewish girls looking to piss off parents, apply within

“Are you hot, Jewish and looking to piss off your parents?
Then look no further…
What I have to offer is the Total Parental Approval Annihilation Package.

(Bring me home and your parents will give you a new car just
to dump me, guaranteed.)

Package includes:

* One bitter Drunk (fine single malt scotch not included).

* Many highly visible tattoos.

* Tasteless jokes and poor table manners.

* Numerous mispronunciations and cultural insensitivities like “Chan-a-ka”
and the irrepressible “Ch-al-la bread”.

* and much Continue reading →

T-Shirt Of The Week: Get In On Your Chest

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periel aschenbrandI know there’s some of you out there who still believe the current administration is trustworthy, and I advise you to lay off the pills immediately.

Periel Aschenbrand, the cute girl pictured modeling this clever motto, not only created the “The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own” t-shirts — available with a slew of other socially conscious, sweat-free togs at her bodyasbillboard.com) — but has also recently published a book of the same name. Perhaps you’ve seen Periel posing as a sexy Eve-like nymph on the cover? (Gosh, for some reason, it’s getting serious up-front play in the bookstores.)

It’s part stream-of-consciousness rant, part personal philosophy, shaken with a references to post-modernism, masturbation, lap dances and Jewish dating, and it’s damn entertaining. The giggle factor here is high, rising to snort levels during conversations with her Israeli mother.

Periel is a self-proclaimed egomaniac and calls herself “post-gender,” but at the same time is rocking corporate marketing by raising awareness about what we wear across our chests.

Mr. Sendak, What Up With The Crucifix?

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brundibarDefinitely one of the best reasons to work in the newspaper business is the perks: A couple of weeks back, I scored tickets to the Tony Kushner/Maurice Sendak operetta Brundibar at Berkeley Rep through the good folks at j. — I even got to bring my favorite date, my (almost) 6 year-old son. One might think children and opera don’t mix, but this is one special opera (and of course, one special kid.)

Brundibar was originally staged in Prague at the Jewish boys’ orphanage in 1942, but before its first few performances, its composer, Hans Krása, and most of the cast were rounded up by the Nazis and sent to Theresienstadt, the Nazis “flagship” concentration camp in Czechoslovakia. There Krása was put in charge of the inmates “musical entertainment,” managing to produce 55 performances of his operetta with a constantly rotating cast (mostly children, shipped to Auschwitz.) Being the sick bastards they were, the Nazis filmed the performances and used the footage as propaganda to show Red Cross workers its “model ghetto” with its “happy” prisoners. Continue reading →

Howard Stern’s Spawn Shuts Down Show

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emily sternBackstage.com reports that Emily Stern, daughter of King of All Pottymouths Howard Stern, has quit her role in the Jewish Theater of New York’s production of Kabbalah because its final scene requires her to get nude. (That’s right, apparently Kabbalah isn’t just for the tabloids and bloggity fodder anymore — it’s the-a-ter, dahling. That doesn’t make it any less awful, according to the NY Times.)

It wasn’t that Ms. Stern was feeling prudish; she’s starred in the show since November as a Madonna-ish character (see the big ‘E’ for ‘Esther’?), with sworn secrecy from the director about her true identity. But fans of her father’s got wind that their idol’s little girl was getting naked nightly off-Broadway, putting up nasty comments on their blogs, and she became scared that these guys (because aren’t all of Howard Stern’s fans male?) would storm the show just to take exploitive photos of her.

Probably a good call, girl.

But walking out in the middle of a run will likely ruin her reputation as a “serious” actress. No matter — she appears to have many other talents.

Photo c/o Howardshrine.com, which may or may not be one of the sites that made Emily so nervous.

They’re Both Mammals, So What’s The Problem?

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dolhin weddingYnet reported last week that 41-year-old Jewish millionaire Sharon Tendler married a 35-year-old dolphin named Cindy in a seaside (duh) ceremony in Eilat:

…The thrilled bride, wearing a white dress, walked down the dock before hundreds of astounded visitors and kneeled down before her groom, who was waiting in the water. Cindy, escorted by his fellow best-men dolphins, swam over to Tendler and she hugged him, whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and kissed him in front of the cheering crowd. After the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, Tendler was tossed into the water by her friends so that she could swim with her new husband.

“I’m the happiest girl on earth,” the bride said as she chocked back tears of emotion. “I made a dream come true, and I am not a pervert,” she stressed.

Sure, it’s an unusual shidduch, but, heck — as long as they raise the children Jewish, right?

Photo: Joe Kot c/o Ynet.