Are you a self-hating Jew? David Mamet would like to kick your ass.

In his new book The Wicked Son: Anti-Semitism, Self-Hatred and the Jews, Mamet has an interesting take on my favorite guilty pleasure, which is, of course, guilt:

“‘Jewish Guilt’ is not a side effect of being Jewish, but of being insufficiently Jewish. Buddhism will not cure it, self-help will not cure it, good works will not cure it, A Course in Miracles will not cure it — all of these, ranging from religion to nostrum, cannot eradicate the lapsed Jew’s sense of being lost. For he is lost.”

He could be right; nobody ever heard of Buddhist guilt, right? Personally, when I’m experiencing guilt I turn to a hot bowl of matzoh ball soup; it’s not a cure, but I’m telling ya, it will ameliorate the symptoms.

Elsewhere on the super-sufficiently Jewish Aish.com: Alan Dershowitz thinks Jimmy Carter’s an asshole.

Y’all know I love the Anti-Defamation League’s Abe Foxman. He and his squadron of righteous folk are always just so on it when some dipshit celebrity slips an anti-Jewish slur into conversation or Nazi graffiti appears at the local junior high. I sleep better at night knowing that if anyone ever gives me or my family a single ounce of guff about being Jewish, I can sic the ADL on their asses (and if their strong words don’t work, there’s always the stronger methods of the JDL.)

But I have a bone to pick with Mr. Foxy. It seems he was instrumental in helping ban Valley of Wolves, a hideously violent Turkish film starring American actors that was supposed to screen in Los Angeles and San Francisco this week. Heavy on the anti-American and Jew-hating sentiments, the movie stars the always creepy Billy Zane as a crazy Christian soldier with a penchant for killing Iraqi civilians and the ever-disturbing Gary Busey as a Jewish doctor who’s running an organ farm out of Abu Ghraib.

Unlikely to cut into the profits of The Santa Clause 2. Probably nothing you or anyone you know would put on their Netflix list, although you can bet Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s propping his feet up with a big bowl of popcorn just about now. Certainly not something you’d want to show a group of rabid skinheads jacked up on meth. But squashing its piddly three-theater release? C’mon, Abe! You have enough media savvy to know that making something verboten is to make it wildly attractive.

Remember the last time you came out against a film — that dumb little Jesus movie? Well, friend, it went on to become one of the biggest grossing films in history. Learn, Foxy, learn: If you don’t want anyone to see a film, send out one of your fabulous press releases about how though you may not agree with its message, you support the right of American citizens to see it.

Listen, I can’t even get it together to go see Borat, so you know I’d never find my way into a theater to see this piece of crap. But isn’t better to let people sit through it, be repulsed and at the very worst, have it become a jokey cult classic than to give it power by roiling up yet another ADL media storm? Be a clever fox, Abe — not the boy who cried wolf.

Speaking of Borat, the anticipation of LMAO really is killing me (I’m springing for a babysitter for El Yenta Man’s birthday next week) but this ouchy satire-on-satire column from the New Yorker has put some pucker in the chuckle.

*A large tenkyuberrymuch to JewishBlogmeister for the tip.

So are the Jews going to claim Kramer?

After Michael Richards’ self-destructing N-bomb tirade (you can’t appreciate its power until you see the video) landed him on the exclusive list of Celebrities Not Smart/Sober Enough To Keep Their Prejudices To Themselves, rumours abounded that he also liked to verbally abuse Jews.

Ridiculous, said his publicist. He can’t possibly be anti-Semitic, he’s Jewish, dontcha know!

Oh hell no he’s not, sayeth the Jewish Journal. Dude was born to a Catholic mother and eshews organized religion for the mysterious religion-like practices of Freemasonry.

K’, so he’s not officially Jewish, says the publicist. But he’d really like to be.

Very convenient, nu? Sorry, Mike — too little, too late, but maybe you and Jesse Jackson can get together for an apology tour through Himeytown?

The very first comedy about Hitler from Germany takes poetic license to its giddy hilt by exposing Adolf’s bed-wetting tendencies, drug addiction and predilection for dressing his pet in Nazi costumes.

Mein Fuhrer: The Truly Truest Truth About Adolf Hitler is a state-funded project and is based – um, just a little — on actual historical material. Swiss director and MOT Dani Levy doesn’t feel even a twinge of guilt for manipulating facts for his farce.

“I don’t want to give this cynical, psychological wreck of a person the honor of a realistic portrayal,” he says in an interview with The Washington Times. And while there are many who will never, ever find Hitler funny, Levy believes his film has value in its ability to show history’s most evil character for what he was. “Comedy is more subversive than tragedy. It can assert things that aren’t possible in an authentic, serious portrayal.”

The film has already caused tsuris last March when it transported Berlin’s Lustgarten square back to the swastika-waving times, but it looks like the Germans are finally ready to laugh at Hitler. ‘Course, some Jews have already been cracking Nazi jokes for years…

Black-hatted breakdancer David Lavon broke out of the yeshiva and became a quite the sensation when his superhot “L’Cha” video hit broadband last year. (It disappeared from the Web for a bit, but it’s back on Jew- YouTube, albeit in compromised quality.)

I had never heard of Orthodox boy band The Chevra until Lavon lipsynched their single with such passion in his little movie, and I couldn’t get “L’Cha” outta my head for months. I don’t even know what the song means, and I’m sure I’ve completely butchered it while trying out some of his dance moves in the mirror (Note to Self: A 35 year-old with pom-poms is one of the definitions of ridiculous.) But now I know I’m not the only one who’s tried to emulate this Lavon’s iconic clip:

Here’s a group of frum girls who attempt to match their own “L’Cha” scene for scene — including an attempt at the tree flip and the supergeeky Matrix fight sequence — in honor of their roommate’s bridal shower. Go, girlz!

Hat tip to Jewtastic!

Meshugeneh magician David Blaine added a stomach-twisting twist to his latest death-defying escape stunt: A shopping spree at Target.

After spending two days suspended 40 feet above Times Square in a gyroscope (one of those contraptions used on potential astronauts to gauge their vomit threshold), Blaine broke the ties that bound him and fell into a wooden stage. He walked away from the wreckage with a noticeable limp, but that didn’t stop him from fulfilling the next part of the caper by appearing this morning to accompany the lucky 100 kids who received $500 gift certificates from Target on this Mother of All Shopping Days.

I can understand the whole tzedakeh aspect — rather than the usual glory and adoration of his fans, Blaine’s wacko Houdini interpretations actually benefit someone other than himself. But somehow the corporate shilling is more nauseating that the stunt itself. Let’s see him pry off the association of the big red iconic symbol when he tries to recreate the illusion of “street magician” ever again…