I think we can all join in the ironic fun of a German-produced comedy about a bed-wetting Hitler (which unfortunately, according to several sources, is not very funny. Even the movie’s lead actor says it’s lame.)

While it’s nice that we’re regaining our sense of humor about the attempted genocide of our people, what do you make of Jews joining up to serve in the German army? Ironic, but notsomuch in the fun kind of way, right?

Far from being shocking in the uber-politically-correct climate of today’s Germany, the concept of Jews in the army is apparently “normal.” This article from Deustche Welle estimates there are 200 voluntary Jewish enlistees in the 250,000-strong post-Nazi Bundeswehr, the armed service that is required for everyone except well, Jews. After WWII, the Central Council of Jews in Germany and the defense ministry “made a deal that exempted Jews up to the third generation of Holocaust victims.” (There’s no mention of what will happen when this agreement expires somewhere in the next decade or so.)

Many of the Jewish soldiers are recent immigrants from Russia, who “seem to have fewer qualms about serving in the German army as do the third and fourth generation of German Jews.”

This image of a WWII German Jewish soldier (how ya like that Iron Cross? Creepy!) is borrowed from Dr. Bryan Mark Riggs’ book, Hitler’s Jewish Soldiers: The Untold Story.

Hat tip to Bangitout.

Sure, you’re thinking a guy who’s never been afraid to wear neon, want your sex, be your father figure or frequent skeevy men’s restrooms couldn’t possibly have any more secrets, but crooner George Michael has finally come clean: He’s a member of the tribe.

Naturally, it’s British sleuth Leslie Bunder of Something JewishUK and the super Jewtastic who tracked down the scoop. He met up with the Careless Whisperer at at a screening of the star’s autobiographical TV special, “A Different Story,”
and had the chutzpah to ask what everyone really wanted to know: Wasn’t it the other guy from Wham! who was Jewish?

Michael revealed in his chat that we had it all wrong; Andrew Ridgeley wasn’t the Jewish one. Michael told our man in London that he and his mother were Jewish but growing up “felt they had to keep it quiet especially after what happened with World War II.” He also said that one day “he would like to explore more of his Jewish roots.”

Man, he’d make one helluva cantor.

A little over a year ago I posted one of those irritating “Wow! Look Who’s Jewish” pride pieces sent to me by some well-meaning relative along with my own suspicions that this particular one was weirdly long and full of questionable claims of Jewish ancestry. At the time I was too lazy busy to delve into the roots of some of these “facts,” though the idea that Winston Churchill had a secret Jewish mother is patently ridiculous. Next thing you know people will be saying Moammar Qaddafi’s mother was Jewish, *haw haw haw*… oh, oops.

Reader Scott Sherris, a man much smarter and more industrious than I, has uncovered the disturbing information that many of these “obscure Jewish ties” are exclusively the products of the toxic minds that run anti-Semitic hate sites. He writes that while we all “love to be proud of people who are Jewish,” the conspiracy-makers cooked up the Hebrew links of world leaders during WWII to “prove” that a Jewish cabal ruled the world. “How delicious for them if Jewish president Roosevelt sent Jewish general Eisenhower to fight along with Jewish dictator Stalin against the poor, misunderstood Germans?” Sherris writes.

This insidious email continues to circulate among us, and it’s up to you and me to break the chain. The next time some misguided Jewish friend sends you a list of “Famous Jews,” set ’em straight. If you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, just send them to the Yenta.

When I encounter old scat, I do a little dance my mother calls the “doody hop.” But if I were an archaologist, I suppose I’d roll up my sleeves and roll around in it with glee:

Researchers exploring Qumran, the West Bank site where the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered, have dug up an ancient latrine that holds much historical significance. The poop chute seems to reveal the residents of Qumran buried their excrement, perhaps lending proof that they were part of the purity-concerned Jewish sect known as the Essenes. A debate has raged for decades whether these monks were Qumran’s inhabitants rather than farmers and soldiers, who presumably left their turds out to dry in the sun.

Ironically, the extreme lengths that the Essenes went to distance themselves from their crap (I believe we call it OCD in modern times) may have led to intestinal infestions of deadly parasites. Which goes to show you, being too clean will get you killed.

*Image: The book every family should own, Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi.

He used to be the global terrorist dictator that everyone loved to hate, but these days Moammar Quaddafi is considered one of the Middle East’s more rational leaders (yikes!) Besides negotiating peace in Israel and providing refuge for displaced Africans, the terrorist supporter formerly known as the PLO’s moneyman has taken on a new role: Travel agent.

The Libyan leader has issued a declaration that Jews as well as Christians should be permitted to hotfoot it to Saudi Arabia and circle the Kaaba, the mysterious black box that is Islam’s holiest site. Though every able-bodied Muslim is admonished to make the pilgrimage to Mecca at least once a lifetime, non-Muslims are not currently allowed to enter the city.

Even though Qaddafi’s new moderate groove is probably for real (and what do we make of the Web rumor that his mother was Jewish?) it still kinda sounds like the wolf inviting the chickens into the soup pot. And it’s not like Mecca’s in his country, anyway.

Feh. I’m sticking to Disneyworld for now.

Here is El Yenta Man with yours truly, after getting wet at the Tybee Island Polar Bear Plunge on New Year’s Day. It wasn’t exactly a mikveh, but fully immersing in the cold Atlantic with a few hundred other meshuggenehs was deeply cleansing experience.

As for the tattoos, the symbol is a mogen david with intersecting hearts, and made my mother faint the first time she saw it. The short story is that I got mine in my wee 20’s way before I ever thought I’d be wifely material, and he got his before our wedding, his idea. He figured that I was taking his name, so he should make a similar offering to the marriage. I do my best to remember this gesture whenever I want to smack him over the head with a frying pan.

The long story will have to come at a later time, since all the relatives have just left, there’s a veritable Mount Moriah of dirty laundry to do and the children don’t go back to school until Thursday. But if you want to know more about where the symbol comes from, you can check out this trippy stuff.