Just when I’d resolved to never attend another meeting regarding Jewish fundraising, planning a Jewish event or solving the myriad petty issues of a Jewish community that’s small enough to know better because they just turn into giant kvetch sessions that run into American Idol time, something actually gets done.

El Yenta Man and I joined about fifty people a couple of weeks back to protest the decision to keep the JEA pool closed this summer, which of course turned into a sparky discussion about the roof leaking and future strageties about the JEA’s survival (seriously, WHY can’t the pool be open on Saturdays? It’s not a synagogue, and lounging in the sun could be construed as resting by some of us who interpret the Torah liberally.) Turns out it wasn’t just parents of young children who were pissed – the water aerobics enthusiasts in their 60s and 70s were as equally hot under the collar at the prospect of having to share the indoor pool with the summer campers. It made for quite the multi-generational clusterf*ck – your typical Jewish family gathering, only with no food.

Even though some folks in the community had agreed to put up the dough to get the nescessary repairs to the pool, I figured the JEA board had its reasons for presenting the reality of a splashless summer as beyond discussion – case closed.

But lo and behold, the board has reversed their decision – We’ll have our pool by Memorial Day! Our voices made a difference, but not nearly as much as the promises of cash: There’s gonna be a big bill to pay come May, and I hope all you locals will give what you can.

If you’re still lurking on the edge of Savannah
now is the time to join the JEA – we’ll bring plenty of sunscreen!

Purim is almost here, and I am bangin’ my grogger (in a good way!) for Susan Fischer Weis’ Yontifications – not even Queen Esther could have been bejeweled better.

Get the whole megillah and buy the matching earrings! And check out the bling for every other Jewish holiday – the little matzahs for Passover are so freakin’ cute and won’t go stale on you halfway through.

By the way, the title of this post doesn’t mean I’m making vagina-shaped cookies from scratch, yo. Yeah, that’s right: They tell us in Hebrew school it was all about the bad guy’s hat, but the Jewish feminists say different.

Don’t worry, Shalom School parents: I’ll keep the myth alive for the kindergartners – and head to Kroger for some delish NY-baked goods before the shelves are empty.

Did you think I was going to say we’re both lipstick lesbians? I’m honored.

Sorry to disappoint. The answer is: We both went to bar mitzvahs this weekend!

I went to Daniel Lewis’ simcha (mazel tov!) at my very first experience at an Orthodox shul – tell me, why is that the more observant the congregation, the more chatting while the rabbi is speaking? Anyway, I did feel quite content sitting in the women’s section and holding the babies, and apparently, Lilo enjoyed her synagogue experience, too. In fact, LiLo she liked it so much, she’s planning to stay:

JTA reports today that Lindsay Lohan announced she’s converting to Judaism just before attending the bar mitzvah of the half brother of her girlfriend, DJ Samantha Ronson.

While there are no reports that Sam’s mother is relieved that her daughter is finally going to bring home a nice Jewish girl, Lindsay’s dad isn’t buying it:

“She’s explored the Church of Scientology, she tried Kabbalah, and now this. I think it’s just another phase.”

He doesn’t think his daughter’s really gay either. Dude, in spite of your best-laid plans to exploit her vapid shiksaness into your multibillion dollar empire, your daughter’s a Jewish lesbian. Get over it.