Why is it that the people who do the New York Times crossword puzzle on a regular basis tend to be the smartest people I know?

They’re usually not that humble about it either, bragging over coffee that Tuesday’s puzzle was a breeze and they completed last Friday’s in under two hours. I forgive them their hubris because I tried a Monday puzzle once, got stuck after four minutes — word finds are more my speed, I guess.

So that explains why a big-brained friend had to alert me that last week’s Wednesday puzzle contained this clue at 51 down: “A digger of dirt.”

Apparently, the answer was “yenta.” Well. I am insulted as well as deeply humbled because I never would have figured that one out.

My mother-in-law was always a big crossworder, and when the dementia started to set in, she began doing four or five a day in the hopes that the stimulation would stave off the damage happening in her brain. Sadly, it wasn’t enough to keep her speech and memory intact.

But even as her mind has declined, she still does a crossword puzzle every day: She sits on the sofa for hours with two sheets of newspaper folded just so – one with the puzzle from the day before on top and the other with today’s puzzle, which has the answer key. It sometimes takes her the whole day to copy all the words from the back sheet to the front, which is great, because it really is the last remaining independent activity in her repertoire besides eating and bathing.

Sometimes when I peek over her shoulder, she tucks the answers away and smiles sheepishly as if she’s embarrassed; I know ten years ago she probably did Saturday NYT puzzles while calculating the taxes and planning the Sisterhood fundraiser. It makes me so sad to watch her with her brow furrowed, clutching a pencil that shakes as she scratches at the newsprint, yet somehow I feel so proud of her for fighting so hard to hang on to her legendary intelligence and cleverness, even if it is vestigial.

My MIL and El Yenta Man

I know my favorite Methodist homegrrl, roller derby queen and Savannah Morning News religion writer Dana Clark Felty will appreciate a little sizzle on the fire of our friendly feud:

Chelsea Clinton, the only child of Bill and Hillary, finally got engaged to Nice Jewish Boy Marc Mezvinsky. The Clintons are Methodists, and Samuel P. Jacobs at The Daily Beast asks the obvious question on every Jewish mother’s mind: Will Chelsea convert?

Well, wouldn’t that be nice? It can only be good for the Jews to have the Secretary of State as an in-law. And how fun would it be to see paparazzi wedding snaps of Bill and Hillary carried around on chairs holding a hanky between them? And think of the awesome celebrity Chanukah parties Chelsea and Ivanka Trump-Kushner could throw together!

But of course, Chelsea might not want to be Jewish. In Jacob’s article, Rabbi Jennifer Krause says us pushy Jewish mothers might be unfair in salivating at the prospect of a Presidential daughter on our team.

“Why doesn’t anyone want to know if Marc should convert?” Rabbi Krause asks. “Why should the Jewish community get first dibs at hanging out the ‘now hiring’ sign?”

“Who knows,” comments Jacob. “Maybe this one will go to the Methodists?”

We’ll see. In the meantime, Felty, we can still resolve this with a good ol’ fashioned arm-wrestling match…

Feh, it’s December already? Clearly, my neighbors spent the long weekend in their front yards setting up their giant tsotchkes and hanging itty bitty lights from their eaves. Hopefully, they all fixed the economy by charging up their credit cards on Black Friday.

I’m still recovering from a reunion with El Yenta Man’s side of the family in Wrightsville Beach, NC – a lovely place for a group of boisterous Jews to digest. Funny, it wasn’t anything like Bangitout’s Top Ten Ways You Know You’re at a Jewish Thanksgiving Dinner list, except for the desserts from Costco, which I can tell you from a deeply personal communion with a very large chocolate bundt cake are sinfully delicious.

However, I did get a kick out of Bangitout.com‘s other Thanksgiving Top Ten offering:

Top Ten Changes if the Pilgrims Were Jewish:

10. Indians’ “How” greeting would have been answered with “I’ve been on a vashtinkina boat for two months, How do you think?”

9. The Mayflower Compact would have been brokered by Goldman Sachs and included Mexico and Canada

8. Breakaway minyans immediately open in Rhode Island and New Hampshire

7. Holiday of Sukkot would be renamed “Teepees”

6. Thanksgiving dinner was suppose to be veal, but there were turkey Shabbos leftovers

5. Plymouth Rock suddenly claimed as the Muslims third holiest site

4. Thanksgiving Dinner was arranged by the synagogue Sisterhood and is still looking for a sponsor

3. Jewish geography would be used as the great ice-breaker, “Which Pocahantas? From Queens?”

2. Rubashkins’ (number one kosher meat processor) immediately hires all Indians

1. Pilgrims become automatic “Members of the Tribe”

Cute, nu? Of course, if you’re a regular reader of this blog you already know the Yenta holds suspicions there were Jews here long before the Mayflower hit land.