Last week I posted my own small-world problems about where to send my son to school. I know compared to war, it’s fairly petty, but damn, y’all had nothing to offer as far as suggestions or support. I know there are other parents who read this blog, and I thought someone could help me out, or at least share the misery of deciding between public vs. private school, secular vs. Jewish education … but I got bupkiss.
Maybe that’s why today was the first day of school and the kid spent it watching “Arthur” on PBS and eating Taco Bell in the backseat of our minivan while I ran errands. Hell, if I’m going for bad parenting, I’m going all the way.
Though we’ve ruled out the homeschooling as an option (Me: Hey, if a space doesn’t open in the good public school in the first week, I’ll homeschool the boy. El Yenta Man: You start tearing your hair out when both kids whine for apple juice at the same time. You think you’re going to teach one math while the other eats crayons? Me: Oy, I need wine.) there’s still the matter of choosing between a mediocre district school and paying the astronomical Jewish day school tuition.
It’s not just the money, either, since we probably qualify for some type of scholarship. But having my child at a Jewish institution all day, every day in these times feels … vulnerable. As much as I want him to know who he is and know more about Judaism than I do, it feels scary to send him to a school where he will meet only other Jews, rather than have the experience that his father and I had of being one out of a hundred or more. Also, it will surely aggravate the inferiority complex I have about not being observant enough frankly, I don’t need more self-created guilt.
*sigh* Either way, the kid’s got to go to school. Within the next few days, a decision will be made and no matter what it is, I’ll worry it was the wrong one. I guess that’s the occupational hazard of Jewish motherhood.
You know I’m like, the opposite of a parent. Whatever that is. But as someone who had 14 years of yeshiva day school education, I can tell you a few things…
1. I am grateful for the gift of Jewish education that my parents gave me on a daily basis. But especially in Israel, I became aware of how lucky I was, to understand the language and the context of the land.
2. This is not your “last chance” to expose your child to non-Jewish people. Even if you lived in New York, you’d still have the chance to provide a public school option to him at various points in his academic career.
3. If you’re concerned about the security aspect, you shouldn’t be. Most Jewish schools know what they’re up against generally, and when we are in “vulnerable” times, it’s then that Jewish schools crack down on security more than ever.
There’s more, but I don’t have kids, and am becoming a little uncomfortable advising you on the subject. At least in public. I’ll email ya…
😉
Yenta, send him to Jew school. At least for a few years. You might learn with him more about Judaism. He can always go to secular school later. This is the time to instill in your son the love of Judaism and our people. I wish I HAD NOT been sent to secular school, but rather I wish I had been sent to a yeshiva. AND you know where my life has taken me. I whole-heartedly agree with Esther. And like her, I don’t have kids either.
AND YOU DO NOT NEED ANY ALCOHOL to make this decision!!!
I agree with the drinking heavily. Just don’t get too drunk and send your kid to Jewschool… The guys on that website can be kinda nasty.
Okay – it’s do or die time for you. Your child needs to start school. Speaking as another mom – we considered private Jewish day school for our kids, and chose public school due to the prohibitive cost. But – the public schools in our area are excellent. If it were me, and the public schools were really a problem, I would suck it up and pay for a year at the day school. You can always reevaluate, but your child will be in good shape for the school year.
Also – you can address your socialization issues with the school – I’ll bet they can calm your worries. Don’t forget – there are lots of opportunuties to be with other kids at the park, zoo or extra-curricular activities like swimming, art, etc. Check your local park district for reasonbly priced options.
Hey I was in a catholic school til 6th grade.
This didn’t mean that I didn’t socialize with other people. Or hey now get back to my my jewish roots. I think sending your kid to a private school for a few years is a great idea. You can always put him in a public school later. It’s never late to make new friends , form social bonds, or learn new things. Besides, an early start at a private jewish school lets him face the world strong and psitive about who he is.
good luck
I went to public school for all of my education, and didn’t have a problem with it. But then again, I grew up in a city where many of my classmates were Jewish and the public schools actually closed for Yom Kippur.
Thank you so much, you guys. I deeply appreciate all the advice on this post. I agree with Esther, Pelinke, Another Meshuggenah Mommy and Tre in that a Jewish education will be good for him and the family.
However: I went to the school yesterday to visit and I was struck by a very strong feeling that this is not the place for my son. Windowless rooms, a very strict traditional secular curriculum without much room for personal expression or creativity I cannot believe that spending 7 hours a day in such an environment is the best place for him. There were seven children in the first grade class, and it was like a scene from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” in there all the kids facing forward, not looking up from their papers, not saying a word while I spoke to the teacher. No one smiled. It was kind of creepy.
Also, it’s a much more religious than I thought, which kind of bothered me, though I can’t pin down why just yet.
But when I looked down at my sparkle-eyed child who loves the outdoors and rowdy times, I felt that his spiritual education might actually be impaired in a place so stuffy and humorless.
We are still waiting to hear from the public Montessori, which is a style of education I believe brings out my son’s intelligence and creativity without stuffing him into a box, but if we don’t get the phone call on Friday, I may have to override my impressions of the Jewish school.
I don’t think I’ve ever agonized over anything so much. They’re offering us a major scholarship, by the way, which makes me feel even worse.
Yo Yenta, I successfully homeschooled my daughter for the k – 12 years. I had the same dilemna as you describe. I couldn’t send my kid to the public schools — too Christian or California-cultural-eclectic. The Jewish Day schools offered wonderful Judaic studies/limudei kodesh but third-rate general studies. Hands-down, we made the right decision to take charge of our daughter’s education. Homeschooling it was and we’ve never regretted it. Daugther is now 19 and a University Senior.She’s a brilliant student and very accomplished at many many different things. If you’re sceptical about school of any sort, why NOT try homeschooling? You can always go back to school if it doesn’t work out. Most of the negative behavior that children engage in is learned behavior and it’s learned outside the home.