Ha ha, tricked ya, the answer is not “items found in the Yenta’s bedside drawer.” (Although if you were at a party at my house and you were tacky enough to sneak in and check, you might find two out of the three.) And they don’t have anything to do with Britney Spears, either.

No, the above-mentioned inventions were all created by Jews, as were shopping carts, sonar, the electron microscope and drive-thru banking. Wikipedia’s long list of Jewish inventors is fascinating, although it’s important to stay wary of compilations of famous Jews. Bad people are known to use such lists to justify their delusions and conspiracies, even though it’s plainly obvious that Jews are smarter, richer and have more sex than anyone else.

In fact, I would be suspicious as to why a list of Jewish inventors is relevant at all in the sifting quicksands of the Wiki universe, as much as we enjoy shouting our collective accomplishments from the rooftops. However, seeing as there are inventories of Muslim mathematicians, Christian scientists (Tom Cruise is noticeably absent) and notable athiests, I won’t call Abe Foxman. But I would like to find Ralph Bauer, the dude who invented the gravel-voiced electronic memory game Simon (whose voice chip ought to be used at Gitmo for the serious cases) and yell at him for four or five days straight.

Surely, the world would be a quieter, less exciting place without the products of these great minds. C’mon, would your life be the same without the Flexistraw? And while you’re flipping channels this evening, don’t forget to send up a “thank you” prayer up to Robert Adler, the Jewish creator of the remote control, who passed away this week at 93.

Hat tip: Jewlicious.