Yo, Yenta!
My father just married his third wife, who I don’t care for at all. We live in the same city so I am sometimes required to put in an appearance for Friday night dinner to save my place in the will. The only saving grace about these meals is the company of the Stepmonster’s only child, a son who is two years younger than me (I’m 21.) Last week we drank two bottles of wine while our parents discussed their maid problems, and we ended up playing footsie under the table. Now I get tingly feelings when I think about him and I plan to show up for dinner again this week. Are there rules about fooling around with your stepbrother, even if you’re both consenting adults and you don’t live in the same house?

– Wicked Stepsister, Atlanta, GA

Yo, Wicked Stepsister: Whoa, honey, what are you, smoking crack? If you think you’re stepmother is a farbissina now, just wait ’til she finds out you’re shtupping her son. And she will, because sons tell their mothers everything. No, it’s not against the law, Jewish or otherwise, to get it on within the non-blood relations. But it’s such a bad idea that soap operas use it as a theme over and over again. I don’t care if this boy is the non-Orthodox version of Evan Lowenstein (or his twin brother Jaron, or both them at once), you stay away from him!

Hot young single people and dysfunctional families make for a kind of dynamite that has brought down empires. Romeo and Juliet – not such a romantic ending. Remember Medea and Jason? It gets uglier. If you want to stay in your father’s good standing, don’t mess around with his wife’s happiness. Of course, this could just be a passive-aggressive way of working out your anger towards your father, which makes you a psycho. If you can’t see the wisdom in these words, you need a professional to help you sort out your parent issues and help you find love outside this Greek tragedy.