The Yentas are dashing off for a bat mitzvah in Winson-Salem, NC this weekend (but don’t even think about robbing our house – we not only have watch chickens, but a terrifying and jobless housesitter who will patrol the perimeter with poison darts and a Taser.)

I’ve never met the bat mitzvah girl, but that’s what you have to love about Southern Jews: Every last tendril of the family tree is invited to a simcha. Which means I’m going to spend the entire drive reminding El Yenta Man the name of his second cousin’s husband and whether Uncle Morris is related to him by blood or marriage. (Why is familial Jeopardy! always the woman’s job, hmm? It’s not even my family!)

Because I don’t know Hannah’s tastes, I figured we’d gift a nice card with a chai-denominational check tucked inside — to save for college or blow on earrings at the mall. But I think I might go with one of these “Words To Live By” bracelets from Yontifications — so sweet!

They’re $36 (a lovely chai-denominational touch) and strung with semi-precious stones, sterling silver and the inspirational word of your choice in both Hebrew and English. What teenage girl would not love it? Way cuter than a savings bond, nu? Order here!

Off to dance the Southern hora — which is similar to the original except one must grapevine with a Jack Daniels in hand.