I think we all know how I feel about Jewish parodies. If they’re good, I’ll chuckle along. If they suck, I’m not going to mince words.

I warned Rob Tannenbaum of WhatILikeAboutJew that I can be nasty bee-otch as such, and he still sent me WILAJ’s new CD “Orthodox.” He cautioned me that this was not Jewish parody, but I figured anyone who named their band from an 80’s anthem could not be trusted.

Romantics wordplay or no, Rob was right — it’s not parody. And after a brief listen on the family sound system, I found out it’s not for kids, either. Before the end of the first song, “Hot Jewish Chicks,” my kid asked “What does ‘put the whore in hora’ mean?”

But once I procured some headphones, the question became “Mommy, why are you laughing?” Oh no, definitely not for children. Or your grandmother. Or those wearing pacemakers, of weak nervous systems or your rabbi.

Rob and the other half of WILAJ, Sean Altman, lob some seriously messed up Jewish jokes to the unobservant set. Falling into the “Oh No They Di’int!” category is “Jews for Jesus,” which tells the people formerly known as Jews to “go get your foreskin reattached” and that “I’d gladly baptize you in my toilet/’Cuz you, just like the bowl, are full of sh*t” as well as “You’re born again, that’s nice/If Jesus resurrects you I get to kill you twice.”

Mwah-ha-ha-ha! goes the evil bee-otch in me — in a wholly approving, guffawing sort of way.

There’s gleefully adolescent preoccupation with sexual organs here, present in their ode to little penises, “Just A Little Off The Top,” and the homage to Al Goldstein, “The Porno Made Me Do It.” But even while the feminist in me was ready to call in the thesaurus for all the possible ways to say “offensive,” I was still snickering.

I wish I’d been able to include “Hannukah with Monica” and “Reuben the Hook-Nosed Reindeer” (Santa is his shabbos goy) in the Chanukah music round-up, but this is a year-round opportunity to entertain your Jewish friends who don’t mind a little self-referential loathing (see the Jewish dating track and “Taller Than Jesus.”)

No, nowhere near parody, even if musically it kind of smells like Bare Naked Ladies. These acclaimed “giants of Jewish joke-pop” have been selling out shows in NYC, but there’s a whole world full of Jews who were done with anything religious the minute they stepped down from the bima after their b’nai mitzvah.

I’m not saying I’m one of them, and I’ll have to pass this CD on and out of the house immediately lest my children confuse it with the new Debbie Friedman compilation, but it deserves much play in Jewish frat houses and afterhours BBG parties. A West coast tour is in the works for spring; maybe El Yenta Man and I will find a babysitter, got schnockered on chocolate martinis and check it out.

Buy “Unorthodox” by WhatILikeAboutJew on their Web site or at cdbaby.com, but don’t you dare tell ’em the Yenta sent you.

Definitely one of the best reasons to work in the newspaper business is the perks: A couple of weeks back, I scored tickets to the Tony Kushner/Maurice Sendak operetta Brundibar at Berkeley Rep through the good folks at j. — I even got to bring my favorite date, my (almost) 6 year-old son. One might think children and opera don’t mix, but this is one special opera (and of course, one special kid.)

Brundibar was originally staged in Prague at the Jewish boys’ orphanage in 1942, but before its first few performances, its composer, Hans Krása, and most of the cast were rounded up by the Nazis and sent to Theresienstadt, the Nazis “flagship” concentration camp in Czechoslovakia. There Krása was put in charge of the inmates “musical entertainment,” managing to produce 55 performances of his operetta with a constantly rotating cast (mostly children, shipped to Auschwitz.) Being the sick bastards they were, the Nazis filmed the performances and used the footage as propaganda to show Red Cross workers its “model ghetto” with its “happy” prisoners. Continue reading →

Last year I had to scrounge for appropriate holiday music, but this year there’s a CD for every slot in the carousel:

Hannukah Lounge: CraigNCo has a hit with this groovy, mellow collection of spacey instrumentals. Call it Jew-age jazz without the Kenny G. Test out the atmosphere for yourself while sipping a Chanukah-tini at the new Flash Lounge.

Hannukah Rocks: I’m not sure if “Applesauce Vs. Sour Cream” can be considered a debate worthy of a rock n’ roll label, but the LeeVees manage to pack in some truly rockin’ riffs with very silly lyrics. The music has the ironic indie flavors of They Might Be Giants and Barenaked Naked Ladies (the Leevees are actually on tour with the Ladies right now) but the words are farpitzed with references to gelt, Maccabees and Jewish singles parties.

Hannukah Swings: Clear the livingroom! Macher Kenny Ellis has infused your favorite classics with horns and a Big Band beat that will have every generation jitterbugging (careful, don’t knock the menorah or there’ll be wax in the carpet.) Ellis, whose Sinatra-like crooning is a delight, also reaches deep to bring out some non-clichéd culture: There’s even asong in Ladino called “Ocho Kandelikas” that may inspire a bissel Chanukah mambo.

Kosher Christmas Carols: Look, I said there was new Chanukah music, but I didn’t say it was all worth listening to. Frankly, any Chanukah album with “Christmas” in the title is a clue that “bad parodies happen here.” According to Joe Eskenazi of the j., this one’s a real farshtinkener.

I Saw Hannukah Harry Beat Up Santa Claus: It seems bad parodies are just inevitable, so you might as well download one that’s actually funny. (Click here to listen and scroll down.) But forget the rest of Hal L. Singer’s album; it’s STFG.

Happy Tunes, all!

From my review of “Chanukah Stories,” published in this week’s j.:

After decades of holiday specials starring animatronic snowmen and red-nosed reindeers, Jewish children are finally getting their own TV idols. If only they were as cool as their non-Jewish predecessors.

The nonprofit JTN Productions obviously has good intentions with “Chanukah Stories,” a reading of two holiday classics. The program will premiere on PBS on Christmas Day.

The half-hour show is framed with 3-D animation: Zak Mak, the umpteenth-great-grandson of Judah Maccabee, is wishing for Chanukah to start so he can have gifts, latkes and gelt. “Diz” the Dreidel spins in, and after an incomplete lesson on the significance of the “nesh gadol haya shem,” the style segues from flashy animation to old-fashioned book stills.

The two stories are typical Jewish fare — one set in a shtetl, the other focusing on a Holocaust survivor. The first, “Moishe’s Miracle,” the tale of a generous milkman, his shrewish wife and a magic latke pan, is narrated by Bob Saget, looking so bored he might cry and delivering the text in monotone — and this is a guy who hosted a show starring people getting hit in the privates with golf clubs. At least it ends on a light note.

Jami Gertz narrates the second story, “The Tie Man’s Miracle” with a lively Yiddish accent, but the story is such a downer that the epilogue with Zak Mak and Diz is almost inappropriate. In fact, a 5-year-old critic (this writer’s son) burst into tears after the segment. Continue reading →

I have to admit, when I first snaked an advance copy of “The Tribe: An Unorthodox, Unauthorized History of the Jewish People and the Barbie Doll” from work, I figured I had a cheap blog post where I could rip on the lame thesis of some post-modern feminist filmmaker wannabe. After all, Jewish goddess Ophira Edut already told Barbie “adios” a long time ago; what else is there to say?

Well, color me a dumbass. Written and directed by Tiffany Shlain (who happens to be a neighbor of mine here in the netheregions of Northern California), the film spears the conundrum of secular American Judaism through the heart and mind in just 15 shorty-short minutes, using Barbie as the ultimate assimilated Jewess. (Barbie’s creator, Ruth Handler, who based Barbie’s design on a sexy doll for German men, was the daughter of Russian-Jewish immigrants.)

Normally discussions of how Jews don’t follow tradition get depressing quickly, but “The Tribe” is full of hilarious retro clips and smart, snarky commentary. While breaking down the “sub-tribes” of Jews and their many arguments with each other, narrator Peter Coyote (another Jewish Marin neighbor) delivers the deadpan gem that “everyone agrees that Barbie doesn’t look Jewish.”

Ending with Vanessa Hidary‘s slam poem “Hebrew Mamita,” Shlain shows us Jews that we’re as iconclastic, creative and confused as ever. Better that than confined to some definition that most of us don’t fit anyway.

“The Tribe” is an absolute must-see for every Jew who ever tried taping her nose up to give it that “ski-slope” look or anyone looking to understand more of the Jewish-American experience without drowning in guilt. You can organize a screening ($40 includes the DVD plus discussion materials) for friends, families, synagogues and neighbors or check your local listings.

Photo from this funny essay at Jewish World Review.