Category Archives: Jews in the News

Jewish celebrities makin’ headlines, whether they want to or not.

Our New Favorite J Chick

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user submitted pictureWe really don’t have time to keep up on every angry pop confection at her piano singing her mopey songs because she can’t dance like Britney and Jessica, but something about Vanessa Carlton has caught our attention. It turns out that not only can she dance (she’s a former ballerina with funkified moves; watch the video for “White Houses” here), but she’s an extremely hot, talented J girl with a big mouth.
While being followed around by a magazine crew in NYC, the 24 year-old stopped into a Catholic church for a little “spiritual cleansing” after visiting a strip club, which probably sounded like marvelous, mischevious fun at the time. After being impeded in her wish to confess her sins because there was a service going on, she told the reporter “I hope these people realize Jesus was just an uppity Jew.”
Some of her fans freaked out, as some are wont to do when anything having to do with Jesus comes up, but mostly people thought it was simply in bad taste. We think it’s hella funny. We’re new fans, Vanessa, keep that mouth motorin’!

Run, Igor, Run!

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Here’s an in-depth look at our new golden boy, Igor Olshansky, from Ha’aretz.
“Olshansky is a hulking 6-foot, 6-inch, 315-pound athlete who can run 40 yards in less than five seconds and is being compared to some of the best defensive lineman ever to play the game. A rookie with the San Diego Chargers, who won their opening week game 27-20, not only is Olshansky the first Jewish athlete from the former Soviet Union to play professionally in the NFL, he’s also the first NFL player from the Soviet Union – period.”
We’re looking forward to seeing what this kid can do!
In other sports news, some guy has written a book about the anti-Semitic origins about the Red Sox’s inability to win a World Series since Babe Ruth was traded to the Yankees in 1920, otherwise known as the Curse of the Bambino. Harry Frazee, the greedy Red Sox owner who sold the Babe to New York, has been mistakenly thought to be Jewish all this time, and somehow this relates to everyone hating him for killing the Sox spirit. Let us know if you can make heads or tails of it.

Mel Don’t Do Mush

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user submitted pictureWhy won’t director Mel Brooks be shooting the remake of The Producers in Toronto?
“The bagels, just the bagels alone,” he said. “You go to Toronto, they’re mushy.” Instead, the filming will be in done in New York, where true boiled bagels rain from the sky from cream cheese clouds.
The Producers: The Movie Musical will star Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, who headlined in the Tony award-winning Broadway show that was based on Brooks’ original 1968 screenplay starring Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder. Brooks has also brought in Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell to round out the cast, so you know this remake just may be as hilarious as the original.
Back on the subject of bagels, let us just say that they’ve been co-opted from their Jewish origins so badly here in Northern California (think spelt) that we’ve switched to English muffins.

?Oy Oy Oy Show? on Tour!

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user submitted pictureOne of America?s premier MOT?s, Al Franken, is taking his successful national radio/TV show, The Al Franken Show, on the road. Broadcasting on both Air America Radio and on the Sundance Channel, Al mixes politics with humor in segments such as the ?Oy Oy Oy Show? (set to Israeli music) and his infamous ?Flipity-Flopity? routine. Franken has already beaten talk radio veteran Rush Limbaugh in the Arbitron ratings and hushed nay-sayers who assumed his style wouldn?t work on the airwaves. Together with co-host Katherine Lanpher, Al?s taking the country by storm and you heard it here first! (Click here for Tour Dates)

Jewish Trainers Are Hot!

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user submitted pictureWe are so into this new show, Housecalls, on Discovery’s FitTV, and not just because it stars Mark Lebos, the buffest, smartest Jmerican around. Mark and his co-host, Shaman, pay visits to real people in their real homes (no Spandex allowed!) and design practical exercise programs to be done in between loads of laundry, putting the kids to bed and *ahem* shoulder-slouching sessions in front of the computer screen. Most of FitTV features a bunch of shiny plastic people grinning their way through jazzercise on the beach; us couch potatoes appreciate the reality of broom handle lunges and water jug tricep extensions. Think of it as “Fit Eye for the Fat Guy.”
Check it out Mondays at 8pm if you’ve got Discovery’s FitTV on your dish or box; otherwise, call your cable company and request it.

A Mensch In A Haystack?

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user submitted pictureThe Jewish Journal‘s sexy dating columnist Carin Davis recounts her recent trip to the Holy Land, where she bypasses Masada, the Wall and other religious sites for the most important destination of all for single Jewish gals: the nightclubs of Tel Aviv. The land of milk n’ honey was all about the honeys for her, but she’s back “trawling the scene” for the handsome Heebs. Even the party girls know they’ll save the dance for a good Jewish man. Carin, bubbeleh, have you filled out your Jmerica profile yet?

Oops! (Insert clever lyric here)

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Brittany Spears newfound devotion to Kabbalah has inspired her to get a tattoo on the back of her neck in Hebrew. Unfortunately, the tattoo artist was that guy from Hebrew school that used to get kicked out of class all the time for making those armpit farting noises. This resulted in a tattoo that apparently means absolutely nothing. The male staffers here at Jmerica are particularly disappointed. We were just starting to convince ourselves that she was Jewish enough to bring home to our mothers…