Category Archives: Schmatas, Tsotchkes and Chozzerai

T-Shirts of the Week plus any other Jewishy item that strikes the Yenta’s fancy.

Kitsch Like You’ve Never Seen It Before

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neilsedakaboxHow has this gem of a book eluded me until now? It was released in 2002 and I ogled over it for so long at a friend’s house last week that she let me take it home. Sisters Jennifer and Victoria Traig, who created the fabulousness that is Judaikitsch: Tchotchkes, Schmattes & Nosherei, are brilliant, funny balabustas.

I know Jennifer’s name from her more recent book, Devil in the Details, about her obsessive-compulsive tendencies, which explains the painstaking glue job on the “Neil Sedaka Box”.

From the publisher:

What would happen if Martha Stewart were abducted by a tribe of trailer park rabbis? Judaikitsch! Filled to the brim with crafts, collectibles, and creative cooking, here’s the ultimate guide to a funky, festive Jewish lifestyle.

Or, as I like to call it, next year’s kindergarten Shalom School curriculum.

Tsotchke of the Week: Blessing On Chain

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keychainQuick! What’s the blessing for the washing of the hands? Didja get stuck right after “Baruch ata adonai…?” Then you need the “Say-A-Blessing” Keychain, a tiny gadget equipped with the Top Ten Jewish prayers. Too tired for the Sh’ma and Modeh Ani? Just press a button when you lie down and another when you rise up! You might set off the Hamotzi when you’re turning off your car alarm, but at $14.95, it’s a heckuva lot cheaper than Hebrew school.

Available at Chosencouture.com.

“Lazy” Is a Virtue As A Triple Word Score

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scrabbleWhat else to do on a rainy but break out the board games? I like to think of myself as a something of a spelling savant, not just because it makes me feel better that I almost failed organic chemistry my sophomore year of college but it always gives me an unfailing point of superiority over my husband. He once asked me if “really” had one “l” or two and I’ve never let him forget it.

However, because he is a cunning and merciless strategist, he has no problem beating the pants off me at Scrabble (and usually, getting my pants off is his winning agenda, hehheheheh.) The game has become a metaphor for our marriage; the struggle of the literary with the scientific, the fight over whose turn it is to do the dishes, the war-like single-mindedness of the masculine pitted against the expansive wonderment of the feminine, who revels in being able to lay “amalgam” on the board even if it’s less than 15 points.
Of course I’m not the first Jew to find deeper meaning in the game: Rabbi Naftali Silberberg espouses the kabbalistic underpinnings of those wooden letters on Chabad.org this week:

Every soul is dispatched to this world and is armed with a unique combination of letters/tiles. These “letters” are the person’s talents and abilities, strengths and weaknesses, the locale where the soul will operate, the soulmate it will marry, its health, physical appearances, and much more…It would be nice to be able to choose our tiles, but that is not an option. We must make do with what we are allocated.

Dig it. Silberberg goes on to say that we serve God best when we’re not so worried about the other players’ scores, but no one’s taunting him with a triple word score made with “zoo,” are they?

True Scrabble sycophants must watch Liz Dubelman’s “Craziest,” a brilliant VidLit describing her 321-point coup using the word and her personal connections to the deeper truths of the universe.

All I have to add is that the old school wood tiles rule so hard over the plastic jobbies they’re putting out now. And seriously, how cool are these? Is there anyone out there good enough with their aleph-bet to play the sacred game in Hebrew?

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tshirtEvery married woman needs a gay boyfriend. Sometimes a girl just needs a man who wants to go jeans shopping for four hours and gives honest opinions (“Oy, honey, yes, your tushy looks huuuuge in those Citizens!”) and who loves karaoke. I’m missin’ my bitchy San Francisco queens like crazy, and I haven’t had a chance to check out the Savannah scene. Maybe if hang out at Club One wearing this from Shalom Shirts I’ll attract a nice Jewish boy to bring home and help me clean out my closet.

Sunday School Wish List

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rugSo now that I’ll be corrupting enriching the young Jewish minds of Savannah next year as the Shalom School’s kindergarten teacher, I get to submit a list of materials I’d like to use in the classroom.

Thanks to the last teacher, I’m already equipped with plenty of beginning Hebrew workbooks, chag-related coloring sheets and a fat Ziploc bag of crayons. I’ve got plenty of J-tunes ready on the iPod, including Debbie Friedman, Beth Schafer, Oy Baby, Rick Recht, and of course, the majority of the Craig Taubman library. And the extremely cool school director already OK’d this terrific holiday-themed rug for my charges to plant their tushies on during circle time. (At this age, I believe children should spend as much time on the floor as possible. Nothing wrong with incorporating a little yoga into the aleph-bet, nu?)

Tell me, dear and wise readers, what else do I need?

Any suggestions, especially for interesting, age appropriate picture books, are deeply appreciated.