Because every Jew should have a chanukiah that fits in an evening bag or pocket, here comes the “Hanukit” by Reddish Design Studio. No fancy candles necessary just strike, sizzle and chant the Chanukah blessings before it burns out! Perfect for Matzah Ball pre-partying or a quick getaway should the Cossacks come knocking on the door.
Match flick to Halting Point.
So when idiot-minded strangers presume to ask your child “And what will Santa be bringing you this year?” you can coach him or her to say “peace in the Middle East and a nice Gouda.”
From Aaron’s Case and this is his least provocative slogan.
All you (four) regular readers know that the Yenta family relocated from California to Georgia this summer; what I have not revealed is that our stuff did not come with us. Yup, we’re still shnorring in the in-laws’ beach house out of the same suitcases with which we arrived, and now that the weather’s changed from hot n’ humid to chilly n’ windy, I sure wish I had more than an under-sized hoodie from Wet Seal and one pair of jeans.
What plagues me most is that my box of beloved Judiaca is still in storage. We’ve got a menorah for every member of the family (because it’s just not Chanukah unless it’s a really stellar fire hazard) somewhere in Boxland, but we’re either going to have to make a ghetto tinfoil dealio (um, or not) for this year’s Festival of Lights or make a purchase.
Enter the “Femenorah” by Notschlock, a hypnotically sparkly, yet pragmatic composition of PVC-pipe and Swarovski crystals. Designers Alyssa Zukas and Josh Korwin have rebelled against the hordes of hideous Judaica available, and “are trying to start a judaica revolution towards appealing and tasteful design for the Modern Jew.” And at $68, it’s a design within reach.
Match flick to Jewschool, who posted the Femenorah’s manly counterpart, the galvazined steel pipe Man-orah.
There’s a new doll in town, and she’s modest, intelligent and doesn’t dress like your mom a skanky Mission tranny with rabies.
Gali Girls are Jewish, ya see, and represent the kind of values Jewish parents can get behind, like kindness, respect and tzedakeh. As opposed to other dolls found in today’s toyboxes, which may (or, may not) lead to eating disorders, an affinity for cocaine and a stripping career.
Each Gali Girl comes with a Magen David bracelet for herself and her new owner and a 12-piece wooden Shabbat kit (instead of say, a mini-syringe and spoon) and there’s a line of corresponding books that showcase wholesome and appropriate adventures. The only drawback to these shaynah maideles is that they’re about three times as expensive as their slutty counterparts but ya get what ya pay for, nu?
For a fabulous introduction to these little darlings, check out Shabot6000’s animated ad it’s clever and cute without being cloying, as a nice Jewish girl should be. (I just noticed the Robot has linked to the Yenta I’m quite honored.)
From shirtsbysam.
Unionize all you want, yo. Just means more for me. I ended up with five pieces at last year’s seder from collecting everyone’s rejects and I ate every last jellied crumb…mmm. Sometimes I buy a jar just to snack on can’t beat it for a low-fat, high-protein comfort food.
Even if you don’t love the gefilte, you’ll giggle at this 3-minute vid from Aish.com. That’s one Jewlarious yid hawking the fish bricks in Chinatown, and his reaction to the requisite window full of carcasses (ducks? little pigs?) is classic. However, even this gefilte groupie gagged at the chocolate chip garnish.
It’s the Yiddish version of “capiche?”. But instead of an Italian hand gesture, “farshtaist” is usually accompanied by a hand holding a wooden spoon, poised to strike lightly tap at the tuchus of the one who dares to ask yet again if he can have Moon Pies for dinner.
From Cool Jewish T-Shirts.
Not only is this halacha-wannabe motto the T-Shirt of the Week, it’s the title of my new favorite blog.
The header reads: I just got a job with a Jewish magazine. I’m not Jewish. They think I am.
Having worked for a variety of Jewish and non-Jewish publications, I find this jolly imposter’s descriptions of self-absorbed publishers, self-righteous super Jews, weirdo graphic designers and phony letters to the editor spot on and hilarious. There is much skewering of hypocritical and elitist Jewish attitudes, but there’s too much Jew love for it to be interepreted as anti-Semitic; rather, I suspect deep down this NY shiksa considers herself one of us.
The goy has more chutzpah than than my bubbie after four appletinis, but she (I thought male at first, but the “manwhore” JDate post changed all that) better watch her tuchus so’s not to be found out and fired. The blogosphere combined with Jewish geography is a very public place…
Update: Oops. Not a Jew is not a chick, either. It should have been apparent after this, and upon reviewing a few other posts, it’s obvious that Not a Jew and the “Manwhore” are just friends. Sorry, buddy.
Beware, it only looks like a puppet, albeit a finely-crafted plush one from OyToys. It’s really a subliminal tool for Jewish parents who feel that occupational pressure can’t wait until after the bar mitzvah.
Look, Benji, doesn’t he wear nice clothes to work? They’re called scrubs and they’re kind of like pajamas without the feet! Now put down the Barbie and play doctor with your cousin.
Sure, it’s all fluids, but you’ll fit into your Sevens until Tuesday afternoon, at least. If you’re an Israeli supermodel, you may be stoned for wearing this, and definitely fired.
Available in every kind of garment Cafepress sells, from hoodies to thongs. If your rabbi has a sense of humor, send him/her one of the latter (if he/she doesn’t, send it anonymously.)
Here at the Yenta home we have definite fashion commandments for our children: Thou shalt not wear camouflage. Thou shalt keep thy underpants from being seen by others. And this one is El Yenta Man’s special clause: Thou shalt not ever ever! wear something on thine ass because it makes thou look like a baby whore.
Shhh…he doesn’t need to know about these adorable kidlet pants from ChosenCouture, does he?