As the brilliant minds at Ohiso.com say, we’re a planet of United Nations as long as you’re not Israel.
These nifty pins are $2.99 each, but why not buy a 10-pack for $19.99 and pass them out at the next TYG meeting?
Like a M.I.L.F., only with Shabbat candles and an impressive Yiddish vocabulary.
‘Course, the Yenta thinks of herself as a J.M.I.L.F., but she’s an egomaniac.
From Store of David.
Let the Jewish hipster t-shirt fallout begin! From Spreadshirt.com, for the second week running.
If there was ever a shaygetz screen idol tough enough for the Jews to parody, it’s Pacino.
Should you feel like ordering 10,000 for Israeli troops to wear under their camo, go to Spreadshirt.com.
And while we’re applying Scarface quotes to the IDF, this one fits like a leather jockstrap:
“I neva f*cked anybody over in my life who didn’t have it comin’ to ‘im, you got that? All I have in this world is my balls, and my word, and I don’t break ’em for no one, jou understand?”
OMG, how cute are these? Shabbat earrings could you die over the little candlesticks? I’m more into the tribal bone look myself, but I seriously love these from Yontifications.com, a line of Holy Day-inspired jewelry designed by Judaica superstar Susan Fischer Weis.
Really, you need to check out the whole year the adorable little shofar for Rosh Hashanah had me squealing like someone put baby bunnies in my sock drawer. And Sukkot’s baby lulav and etrog lady, you’re killing me! The mini-matzohs and teeny hamantashen are so freakin’ precious I want to become a Hebrew school teacher so I could have an appreciative audience for them! (Oh, crap, now I’m bound to get a call from the synagogue tomorrow.)
And just when I thought this accessory orgy was over, I find out they have matching necklaces!
From NoStarClothing, who may have forgotten that Jews don’t drink. Much.
However, I now live in the South, where social protocol dictates that people ask what you’d like to drink before asking what you do for a living, where you’re from, or who your daddy is. Your favorite cocktail reveals much about you; what are you made of?
More importantly, can anyone help me come up with a recipe for a Mint Jewlip?
I am not ashamed to admit I have something of a shoe festish, as well as hypercritical judgments of what should be on other people’s feet.
When it came to my kids’ summer sandals this year, I even went so far as to do research that’s the kind of shoe geek I am. As a parent, it’s quite tempting to take the cheapy route, figuring “eh, shoes from Target are fine. By the time the kids notice how crappy they are, their feet will have grown out of them. Oh, look, $200 Campers on sale in my size!”
But oh, those $8.99 Dora the Explorer plastic jobbies have a hidden price: First, in blisters that make your kid’s feet look like she’s been spending time at the Chinese torture chamber at the playground; then, a week after the calluses have toughened up, having to buy another pair because the manufactured-in-China-plastic straps break apart spontaneously on the way to the zoo, where the kid will develop a whole new set of pussing blisters from the electrical tape you keep in the glovebox that you used to repair Dora’s face.
What I needed were quality-made shoes for children, which cost as much as: A) a night of babysitting for you and your spouse B) a dinner a medium nice restaurant or C) an adorable pair of shoes for yourself. So I told El Yenta Man that date night this month would be microwave popcorn in front of “Deadwood” because we needed to shod the children.
At those prices, each kid was only getting one pair for the entire summer, so said shoes had to be indestructable, waterproof, dirtproof, look cute with any outfit and have an emergency clamp that prevented them from being thrown out the car window when its wearer was bored in traffic.
So I began the online searches, the coupon clipping, the interviews of random families (“Excuse me! Yes, sorry about running his feet over with the grocery cart, but how does your boy like those Keens?”)
I observed that many children and their parents have fallen under the horrific spell of Crocs, a type of plastic clog that could only look good on Martha Stewart while harvesting snap beans out of the prison vegetable garden. People seem to think that these cheerfully colored cottage cheese containers with ankle straps are actually fashionable, but not since jelly shoes have I wanted to go so far as to vomit on people’s feet. Which would be fine, because apparently one of the attractive attributes of Crocs is that you can just hose them right off.
Then: REI had a sale on Tevas. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, or perhaps Manhattan, you’ve seen the magical Velcro sandals that are sturdy as a sneaker and can be put through the washing machine. Inventor Mark Thatcher, who’s half Jewish and also from Arizona, created them for river enthusiasts who also love to hike in the desert. He chose the name Teva which means “nature” in Hebrew, after spending time in Israel as a young man.
Jewish shoes not made of holey plastic? The obvious choice for my children’s precious soles. Especially with a 30% off coupon.
I’ve always kinda thought personalized ring tones for cell phones were for sissy teenagers who can’t afford vanity license plates, but that was before there was a tone especially for me: MyNuMo has created Yentatones, voiced by San Diego actress Martha Kahn and available for download for a mere $2.
With clips like “You Don’t Call, You Don’t Write” and “My Son the Doctor” alerting you that your Nokia’s got action, there can be no mistake whose phone is whose.
Oh, won’t you call my cell so I can hear “Where’s the Fakakta Phone?” again and again?
First Urban Outfitters gets in on the Israeli shmatas, and now Old Navy’s hawking double entendre tourism.
You can air your pits in this “spousebeater” while promoting the Holy Land, but please, no bra straps.
A hearty nod to Jewschool for the link and a new, p.c. term for my trash fashion lexicon.
Back before cable, boys and girls, there used to be only a few crappy sitcoms to choose from, and that’s the way we liked it.
If you remember when tying a bandana around your thigh was the epitome of fashion, this magnet belongs on your fridge.
Available from ChosenCouture.com.