For those of you with penchant for candy-coated Judaica, the M&M menorah is being recalled by Masterfoods USA.
Reportedly, if a candle burns all the way down, as Chanukah candles are wont to do, the plastic menorah “could ignite and present a fire hazard.”
‘Course, if you’re in the UK come Chanukah time, light ‘er up and see if Michelle Kent shows up with her hose.
Match flick Hat tip to Canonist, who justifiably questions the sinister expression on the green one.
There is simply no end to the fabulous Jewish shwag available online check (or checkmate, if you will) this incredible chess set based on the characters of “Fiddler on the Roof.” Seriously, have you ever seen anything more darling?
For $289, it’s a real bargain, and I’ll be introducing my chess prodigy son to his first “Fiddler” experience next weekend at the Mountain Play atop Mt. Tamalpais, so this is a real temptation. But I’ll have to pass. I finally got rid of a bunch tsotchkes and chozzerai at moving sale last Saturday and I just don’t need anymore shtuff.
Incidentally, I put out some old haggadahs and Jewish children’s books and guess who bought them? My neighbor wearing the “Free Palestine” shirt.
I’m not saying I’m into suffering, but the resemblance between this offering from JewishFunnybone.com and the woman in the mirror is just too uncanny these days:
I’m packing four people’s belongings for a move across the country and I’ve just realized it’s ALL a bunch of crap; I’ve had a hacking bronchial cough (with attending phlegm) for a month; my 2-year-old simply will not discuss her gastric urges, preferring instead to let someone discover them after the fact, usually as I’ve buckled her into her carseat squish; I’m leaving my beloved hippie Californian paradise for God-knows-what in the deep South in less than six weeks; although El Yenta Man remains sexy and loyal, I may murder him for watching surfing DVDs when he should be sorting through the disaster area called his closet; I’m out of chocolate.
Even though any and all of the circumstances behind this kvetching are temporary, it all just feels so Sisyphusian.
Corporate monster Wal-Mart has filed a federal lawsuit against Charles Smith of Conyers, GA for making up a batch of these and selling them on his Web site.
Smith filed a countersuit citing a free speech defense, though he acknowledges that the spoof logo is utterly tasteless.
He writes:
I worry that by even implying that anything could compare to the horror of the Holocaust, the worst tragedy in history, I cheapen the term. But when I came up with the word “Walocaust,” I had been reading articles about how the Holocaust was the mass destruction of human beings by other human beings. While I read that, a story came on the TV about how many goods Wal-Mart was importing from China and how many jobs this cost America. I was thinking what would be a word to use to express the destruction of human beings by corporations.
I’ve been weighing the bad taste vs. massive global/labor exploitation issue, and I think can forgive the former for lambasting the latter.
BTW, Smith has made a total of $5.10 with gross sales of … one.
The t-shirt of the week isn’t just a schmatte, it’s spring cleaning gone crazy.
I may have mentioned that housekeeping is not one of the Yenta’s strongest attributes (see “Mold, Diarrhea and Escargot,”) so the Passover custom of cleaning out one’s cupboards and “selling” all the leavened items for safekeeping for the duration of the holiday would never be listed as one of my favorite chores.
Even so, I feel obligated, even though I’d never heard of this tradition until a few years ago. Though my mother never had so much as a bialy in the house during Pesach, I don’t recall anyone cleaning out the pantry (I’m fairly sure the same box of Grape Nuts has been there since I was 12.) Neither the congregation I grew up in nor the one I belong to now ever mentioned this crumb hunting frenzy, so either I haven’t been paying attention (a veritable possibility the minute someone mentions “cleaning” I start to drift) or the Reform Jewish world has abandoned this ritual.
So, as usual, I’m making it up as I go along. Aish.com’s Passover site has been very helpful, of course, but I’m certain the neighbor I asked to take our boxes of food for a week is going to feed the Ritz crackers to her dog.
But at least I know I’m not alone: Even Modern Jewish Mom, who’s obviously seasoned in the art of a chametz-free home, feels the pressure.
Guess it’s just a crummy part of being a Jewish mother. (Ba-dump bump.)
Look, if there can be an Israeli Anti-Semitic Cartoon contest, I’m allowed to find this funny.
From Busted Tees.
Let the whole mishpotech that YOU’RE what’s on television tonight. From Borderdogs.
When is a hunk of wax with a string down the middle worth 28 dollars? When it’s got kabbalah juju all shmushed in there, of course!
Slatkin’s Kabbalah candles are inspired by the same holy wisdom made famous by our favorite stars and each comes with its own red string. Available through the Neiman Marcus boutique, these wicked wicks…
Sigh. I know you really want me to write something terrible and sarcastic about bored, spiritually unfulfilled housewives with nothing better to spend their money on. But honestly, with scent combinations like “red frangiapani, heliotrope, musk, vanilla and creamy sandalwood” (that’s the “Spiritual Cleansing”) these just seem like incredibly lovely candles that would add nothing but good vibes to one’s atmosphere y’know, aside from the pop religious associations.
If I didn’t have to buy diapers and the third pair of sneakers of the school year, I’d stock up, I would.
Mr. or Ms. Slatkin, if you’re out there? Listen, I’m not above shilling for free stuff. Maybe you could kick down one of those Power of Prosperity jobbies in exchange for a permanent link?
Chag sameach! If you’re over 8 and don’t yet have children of your own, it’s likely that Purim is off your radar as far as Jewish holidays go. Your memory hearkens back to your childhood synagogue carnival, where hordes of little Hamans with black eyeliner goatees spazzed with their crazy loud groggers, and maybe some crumbly dry hamentaschen was forced upon you by the Hadassah treasurer, and even though there’s some killer Purim party happening near you tonight, you’re thinking “Nah, I’m gonna stay in and watch ‘The Apprentice.'”
You need to get over it, though, really. Purim rocks sooo hard. Not only is it a story of intrigue and mystery set in ancient Persia, there’s always a new way to interpret the Megillah. For instance, I always thought Queen Vashti should be admired for refusing to dance nekkid for that pig King Ashauerus and his drunk buddies, but then I read an article by Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller, who shows that Vashti wasn’t such a stand-up feminist heroine after all.
And since mixing it up is what Purim’s all about (the sages say we’re supposed to party ’til we can’t tell the difference between good and evil,) El Yenta Man has promised to fulfill the family tradition of cross-dressing. It all began as a “real men aren’t afraid to show their feminine side” type of dare, and he caused such a sensation last year as Queen Esther that our congregation president asked him to join the board right then and there. He wants to go as Vashti this year “’cause she’s sexier,” he says, but wait ’til I tell him she’s a huge beeyotch to boot.
So go find some Jews tonight, toss a few back; if you’re anywhere near San Francisco you’re so stoked because Matisyahu and Perry Farrell are headlining Purimpalooza at Ruby Skye, which lets you know right there that Purim is the hippest of hipster holidaze, yo.
And go in costume, even if you’re just wearing this stick figure t-shirt that distills the Purim shpiel down to the remedial basics. But be careful of that Queen with the big shoulders she’s taken.
Considering the brouhaha happening behind the scenes about last week’s Shmata of the Week (apparently someone’s sensibilities were deeply offended), here’s an Ethiopian Hamsa from Bellmar, a company that uses “the Global Village as the playground for flavor,” with designs “created by the influences of the Williamsburg Hipsters of Brooklyn, Punks of the Lower Eastside, and the Jewish Ethiopians of Queens and Israel. Bellmar is a company that inspires a style for understanding and peace.
See? Nothing offensive here. Although there’s got to be somebody who will take umbrage with the fact that it’s upside down.
Todah to the Rotem Gear Informer for the tip!