WeeklyWorldNews has taken a break from aliens-impregnate-Elvis reporting to bring us “Hot Babes From The Bible”.
*Sigh*. It’s just so obvious to list Jezebel, Salome and Eve. They’re like the Paris Hiltons of the day, just sittin’ around looking skanky while everyone oohs and aahs. Give us the “shapely and beautiful” Rachel who could also herd a mean goat or a badass like Miriam, who shook her tambourine like nobody’s business!
From JTA:
“Purchases of knockoff handbags and DVDs may aid Palestinian terrorist organizations, experts told a congressional panel. Organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah are believed to be involved in sales of counterfeit products in the United States, and many vendors back the terrorist groups, but its unclear whether profits are funneled to the organizations, analysts said at a hearing Wednesday before the Senate Homeland Security Committee.”
As for us, we promise: no more fake Prada. As long as we still get to enjoy the purse we purchased before we became privy to this information.
As if the search for the perfect Jewish guy didn’t already haunt all the Jewish single women out there, now you’ve got competition with advertising capital. A team of Israeli producers is scouring the Diaspora in search of an attractive man in his mid 20’s to late 30’s (with a decent job who loves his mother) for a reality show called “A Nice Jewish Boy.” The lucky bachelor will live in a luxurious villa in central Israel surrounded by fifteen or so Israeli women “competing” for his heart and camera time.
While we appreciate reality t.v. as much as the next couch knish, we were grossed out when shows like “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” “Joe Millionaire” and all the rest began appearing on prime time. How could such a tawdry spectacle possibly beget true love? Flirting with any kind of success is hard enough at a crowded bar; who wants every social faux pas captured on video?
We wish Mr. Jewish Bachelor, whomever he may be, and these publicity hungry women lotsa mazel, but we won’t be nominating our brother or anything.
Then again, he does fit the bill so well…and our mother would be delighted.
Who thinks we should send his photo and resumé to kuperman@hot3.co.il?
So Wal-Mart ran an ad last week in the Arizona Daily Sun depicting Nazis burning books in order to show voters that not allowing one of their stires to swallow their local ecomony is akin to inviting Hitler over for tea.
But hey, it’s cool, the Jews have forgiven them.
The photo as produced in the newspaper ad was blurry but appeared to show civilians as well as soldiers tossing books onto a flaming pile. Above the photo was the phrase “Freedoms worth keeping.” Below the photo was a headline that read “Should we let government tell us what we can read?” “Of course not,” the ad continued, “So why should we allow local government to limit where we can shop?”
Yes, because not being able to fill your home with cheap crap made in China is just like having a horde of Aryan soldiers torch the libraries!
Maybe if Wal-Mart quit dumping money into retarded consulting firms and started caring for their workers, the wouldn’t have to run media damage control every five minutes.
*Note: this photo isn’t from the actual ad; Wal-Mart must’ve used their mighty powers to remove any trace of it from cyberspace.
My Urban Kvetch has revealed the one thing that could bring us out of our ugly funk today…
The blond, blue-eyed babeleh Michael Vartan (currently starring in Monster-In-Law is Jewish.
(He’s French, too, but we’ll not go there right now.)
Stupid Jennifer Garner! Who would leave this guy for a putz like Ben Affleck?
British billionaire Philip Green has reportedly hired Beyoncé and her posse Destiny’s Child to perform at his son’s bar mitzvah, to be held near Cannes. Because you know girl shakes a mean hora, yo. Forget reading the Torah on the bima; a kiss from Beyoncé is what will truly make you a man!
Seriously, if we were a sloppy rich teenage boy we’d make our daddy buy Destiny’s Child, too. But as it is we can only pray that this event will appear someday on BarMitzvah Disco.
Hat tip to the Brits at Daily Jews.
Move your spoons over, Uri Gellerthere’s a new magical Jew in town. Columnist Amanda Scarpone of Broadwayworld.com gives The Mentalizer a glowing review, calling the show’s mind-reading, fork-bending star, Ehud Segev, “the Jewish David Blaine.”
(Oops, Amanda, David Blaine is Jewish. Well, half. You could call Segev “the totally Jewish David Blaine”, but that sounds silly.)
Segev’s bio says he’s born-and-bred Kabbalist (he grew up Safed, the bellybutton of Kabbalah study) and at just 25 has harnessed the powers of the universe to create quite a show. According to his personal web site though, he’s been a struggling actor persuing soap opera roles and an independent film maker as well as a poet. And then we found another link for his graphic design company.
But it sounds like this enterprising young man finally found his niche.
This New York Times article (republished at HoustonChronicle.com so you don’t have to subscribe) informs us that fashion designers are just picking up the trend of wearing one’s spiritual beliefs on the outside and. Let God’s marketing campaign begin!
“There is no question, religion is becoming the new brand,” said Jane Buckingham, the president of Youth Intelligence, a trend-forecasting company. “To a generation of young people eager to have something to belong to…wearing a ‘Jesus Saves’ T-shirt, a skullcap or a kabbalah bracelet is a way of feeling both unique, a member of a specific culture or clan, and at the same time part of something much bigger.”
Or, you could actually go to synagogue or church and participate in religious life. But why, when you can go out and buy a nifty trucker hat?
We spent way too much time last night perusing the Virtual Cinema of Steven Spielberg Film Archive, part of an ongoing project of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. While the first part of Jewish history has been preserved on parchment, you can’t beat a technicolor medium for modern times. Many of the short films show shtetl life pre-WWII and the early stages of building Israel, but we futzed around with Naomi Says Yes, a silly 1950’s Hadassah membership film starring two female puppets and Springtime In The Holy Land, a full color report of wildflowers and happy Zionists. There are over 300 films currently online, with thousands more being digitized for your edutainment in the near future. Windows Media Player required.
The archaelogist who inspired the film character Indiana Jones has been given the go-ahead by an “unnamed Kabbalist” to excavate the Ark of the Covenant by Tisha B’Av (August 14) of this year. Dr. Vendyl Jones, who looks nothing like Harrison Ford, believes the discovery of the lost ark will flip the whole world right-side-up.
I just gotta drill a bore-hole into the chamber, drop a pin-camera in and there it is,” he claims.
Hope there’s no snakes down there, man. And that no one’s face melts off.
While the Dr. Jones is not Jewish, he seems to know more about Torah, Talmud, Kabbalah, the geography of Israel and crazy secret passageways under the Temple Mount than just about anybody and is a dedicated leader of the Noahide Movement, based on Noah’s covenant with the Almighty. He also has been working closely with Israel’s top rabbis for many years and in spite of his Nostradamus-like predictions, holds enormous respect from the religious and archeological communities.
But this whole secret chamber thing smells a little Geraldo to us.
Hat tip to Paleojudaica (who didn’t say as much, but thinks Dr. Jones is whacked) and Weird Jews.