A British book conference dedicated to everybody’s favorite teenage wizard will attempt to answer the question of Harry Potter’s “Jewishness” when it meets this July at Reading University. Though the evidence is scant, presenter Amy Miller believes that even though Harry doesn’t go to Hebrew school or keep kosher, “he cares about how others are feeling, he is kind, and he defends his beliefs; these are a very few examples of proper Jewish behavior” and therefore a yiddishe neshama (Jewish soul.) Cia Sautter plans to draw conclusions between author J.K Rowling’s magical (and uh, fictional) world and Kabbalah; conference organizers are astounded by the public interest in Harry’s “Jewish connection” since it seems entirely based upon wishful thinking.
We’ve read all five books twice, upside down and sideways, and, even as the conspiracy theorists we are, cannot not find one single piece of compelling proof that warrants this discussion. We’d love to claim Harry, really, unless he starts chanting the 72 names of God or has a bar mitzvah, we’re just skeptical muggles.

Omigosh, did we just say that??? We mean that super JewBu (that’s “Jewish Buddhist” for all you non-Californians) Richard Gere has been given the title “Citizen of the World” by Hadassah, the global network of Jewish women, in recognition of “his humanitarian activities for children and peace.” We can’t figure out if the Zionist Hadassah ladies are trying to bring him back to the fold or rewarding him for pissing off the Palestinians, but he’ll definitely be trading in the Dalai Lama for Kabbalah when he stars in the upcoming Bee Season, based on Myla Goldberg’s novel.

A rare collection of sacred Jewish texts (compiled by the original members of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement, seized by the Russians and now molding somewhere in the former Soviet Union) had its story told last week in front of The Helsinki Commission, also known as the Commission on Security and Cooperation in Europe.
Everyone wants to help get this 12,000+ volume library back to its original owners: Sen. Norm Coleman, (R-Minn.) wrote a letter advocating the return of The Schneerson Collection to Chabad and had it signed by every single senator, which found its way to Russian President Putin via President Bush during his trip last February. Also fighting for the cause was Jon Voight (famous for playing creepy guys and spawning Angelina Jolie,) who spoke to the Commission on behalf of Chabad’s West Coast director Rabbi Boruch Shlomo Cumin.
“Everyone asks, ‘What is your connection to him and his cause?'” Voight said of Cunin. “Since I am of Catholic faith, I understand the basic values of life, including the Ten Commandments, and they say, ‘Thou shalt not steal.'”
In spite of all this pressure, the Russians ain’t givin’ ’em up. We propose a trade: give us back the books, Putin, and you can have Jon Voight!

Literary giant Saul Bellow passed away at 89, leaving behind a groups of novels destined to remain in the canon as long as the major existential quandaries of life remain unsolved. Winner of the Pulitzer Prize, the Nobel Prize, and three National Book Awards, Bellow was the author of The Adventures of Augie March, Herzog, and Henderson the Rain King, in which his slightly depressed main characters struggle with assimilation, upward mobility, and of course, sex. While his characters more often than not chose assimilation over a pure Jewish life, Bellow remained interested in what it means to be a Jewish American in the 20th century (excellent article on Jewish themes in his fiction here.) Even though he was ambivalent about whether he believed in God, he said “my intuition is immortality. No argument can be made for it, but it’s just as likely as oblivion.” Whether he’s right or not, he remains immortal for the coming generations who will surely find meaning in his work.

Rediff.com reports that Britney Spears and her stripper-luvin’ husband of three minutes, Kevin Federline, are seeking the guidance of a Kabbalah rabbi to help with their marital troubles. Maybe it’s just us, but it would seem the first step to a healthy marriage would not be a wife “giving her blessing” for a raucous Vegas weekend of lapdances and mojitos, but maybe that’s not spelled out in phonics in the Zohar.

One of our favorite toys as a kid was a motorcycle that turned into a robot when flipped it a certain way; we used it to torture our younger sibling by convincing him that the eyes contained radioactive powers. If lil’ brother wants revenge, he can take it up with Henry Orenstein, who patented the Transformers in the 80’s and went on to make oodles of money with the “robots in disguise” action figures (which spawned comics, cartoons and now a live action movie) and other best-selling toys, including Dolly Surprise, a doll that grows long hair when you move her arm.
Orenstein, a Holocaust and dedicated philanthropist (he has been one of the top contributors to the Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty in New York for 30 years), has another claim to fame besides providing children with clever playthings; he’s behind the TV poker craze that has elevated a backroom vice to a respectable spectator sport:
“He, more than any other person, is the sole reason for the explosion of poker in this country,” Jon Miller, senior vice president of NBC Sports, tells JTA. “He created the camera. Everybody who shows poker on television now uses his technology.”
On May 1, 60 years after he bluffed his way out of Nazi confinement, Orenstein will be competing in the National Heads-Up Poker Championship on NBC. Those other guys better know when to walk away and know when to run, ‘cause any man who can make a tractor turn into a gun-wielding badass is bound to have a couple tricks up his sleeve.
Shabbat Shalom!

CraigNCo‘s Celebrate Passover CD mixes up traditional and original tunes for a dynamic musical experience that will keep you humming long after the breadbox is full of muffins! Far from being a cheesy compilation of the Exodus’ greatest hits, Alan Eder’s reggae-ish Go Down Moses and Hlomo Gronich’s Motherless Child are treasures that stand on their own, while Craig Tubman’s and Laurence Juber’s Dayenu has a beat ya can actually dance to. We’ve found it quite a motivating force as we begin the spring cleaning preparations! And check it out: the CD is free when you purchase four items from the CraigNCo store, including the inimitable Dancing Matzah Man.

Fresh off her stint on the UK’s version of Celebrity Big Brother, the drool-worthy Caprice Bourret seems to have found a niche in reality TV: She’s movin’ on up (?) to VH-1’s Surreal Life, where she will be filmed 24/7 living in a Hollywood Hills mansion along with her co-stars Bronson Pinchot (remember him as that crazy foreign fellow Balki in that 80’s sitcom? Think really, really hard,) Janice Dickenson (Sylvester Stallone’s ex), Pink’s skanky biker boyfriend Carey Hart (no, not the “I Wear My Sunglasses At Night” dude—thanks, Esther—but, like, whatever happened to that guy? He was hunky!), Apprentice über-bitch Omarosa and baseball shanda Jose Canseco.
We love you, Caprice, but, honey? We’re thinking this is not such a hot career move for you. At least we’ll be able to catch a glimpse of Your Jewish Litheness on stateside cable, but we have a feeling we’ll be sorry.

According to today’s JPost, using safety pins and other common household objects to pierce oneself is not only the kind of “ugly stupid” that only a teenager could possibly think is cool, it poses a health risk due to “wandering” nickel that can cause brain damage. This would explain why someone would do it repeatedly.

In a strange reversal of Bay Area real estate fortune, a Palo Alto Orthodox minyan now has a place to call home: the former site of a Blockbuster video franchise. Congregation Emek Beracha co-president Jonathan Novich calls the strip mall locale a “healthy step up” from their former digs in the basement of an office building, and after 25 years of wandering through the craziest real estate market in history, nobody cares if people try to slip a DVD through the mail slot. Now that South Bay Jews can call Friday night “Blockbuster night,” there’s no word on whether the synagogue will charge an exhorbitant fee if you’re late for services.