Residing in one of the world’s highest real estate markets as socially insignificant renters, we often find ourselves steeping in a nasty tea of envy and resentment as we track even the smallest, claptrap shacks selling for more than half a million. We admit that the green-eyed monster of jealousy has driven us to wanting to throttle anyone gleefully announcing their fabulous mortgage refinancing or raving about a “great deal” on a 3 bedroom fixer-upper for under a million. As much we want to heed the tenth commandment and the Pirkei Avot (Ethics of The Fathers), we struggle with the human condition of having less than we feel we deserve.
So we were soothed and inspired by Emuna Braverman‘s essay “Eaten Up With Envy” at Aish.com that reminds us that “The Almighty gives each of us exactly what’s appropriate. If we were meant to have that home, spouse, child, career — we’d have it. He didn’t forget about us. And we won’t get more by stomping our feet, crying and throwing a tantrum.”
Man, she’s so right. Instead of keying our neighbor’s car this morning, we’re concentrating on counting our blessings that since we don’t own our home, the rotting roof and creaky septic system aren’t our problem. Thanks, Hashem.
Jealous much? Read the whole article.

Those superzealous activists at the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals were so eager to publicize their boycott of Kentucky Fried Chicken that they seem to have forgotten about the Ethical Premises of Public Relations when they invented the support of Beastie Boys Adam Horowitz, Adam Yauch and Mike Diamond for their cause. The mainstream and Jewish press reported last week that the boys drafted a fax to KFC boss David Novak that turns out to have been completely fabricated by the animal rights activist group. From a note from Yauch/MCA on the Beastie’s official site:
By the look of the letter that PETA sent out, they must have scanned our signatures, photo shopped them neatly in order and then added our names typed in, so that it would look like we drafted and sent the letter ourselves.
So even if their “finger lickin’ icky” campaign is just, how can we believe the PETA PR department at all anymore?

We’re so thrilled to report that goyim no longer have the monopoly on stupid singing holiday tsotchkes.
The press release is particularly nauseating.

Poor Charles and Camilla

Famous spoonbender Uri Geller has voiced his support for his friend Michael Jackson, telling reporters that the accused child molester must be innocent of any wrongdoing. “I told them that God forbid I’m wrong and he is convicted, then my belief in human nature and my own ability to judge character will be shattered to the core.”
Seriously, if a psychic guy couldn’t detect the pedophile under the glove, who could?

We dissed Gwen Stefani for looping the modern Jewish anthem “If I Were A Rich Man” into her thumpy dance club track “If I Were A Rich Girl,” thinking the guy who wrote the song would be twitching in his grave. Well, it turns out that not only is that guy still alive, he just loooves Gwen’s sample skills. In a story from last week’s Jpost, one of Fiddler On The Roof‘s original composers, Sheldon Harnick, age 80, says “The song’s fun, catchy, engaging, in good taste and we’re really pleased with it.”
We concede!
(We saw it first at Jewlicious, while we’re givin’ out props)

Fed up with the dismissive treatment the media has given (guilty!) to the Kabbalistic practice of wearing a red bendel to ward off the kenina hora (evil eye), a Pittsburgh businessman has independently produced a short film to cleanse our current perceptions of last year’s most popular accessory. Instead of sneering at the gaggles of Midwestern Madonna-wannabes, Shlomo Perelman, owner of Pinker’s Judaica Center, believes Jews need to educate themselves about the significance of Rachel’s tomb and reclaim this ancient tradition as their own. “It’s been co-opted by Hollywood types and it’s been adopted by mass-market, New Age people,” he says. “It’s not being linked at all to Judaism.”
In the film the narrator reminds us that the “authentic” red string is “not Kabbalistic magic, it’s a way to connect, to have Rachel in mind as we go about our daily lives.”
To watch the short, informative and inspiring film at Judaism.com, click here.

Thanks, Jewlicious, for alerting us to BaconWhores.com, where you can schedule an appointment for a Hooters-esque pig meat experience right in the comfort of your own home. Just the thing if you’re feeling nonkosher, sexist AND white trash!
So do you think there’s a market for Falafel Sluts?

A credit card that won’t work on Shabbat is scheduled to launch sometime this month in Israel. The creators of the shomer Shabbat card hope to counterbalance the shops and businesses that are choosing to remain open on Saturdays rather than observe the day of rest from handling money and shlepping shopping bags. If the haredi population can make their voice heard through the cash register, perhaps this will inspire more businesses to get back to Shabbat.
Observant or not, it would behoove all of our finances to give the plastic a rest one a day a week, nu?
A Peaceful Shabbos to all, Jmerica!

Any of you gentlemen think you might woo Caprice Bourret with a candlelit romantic evening meal? Forget it. The svelte supermodel told the Jewish Chronicle in order to keep her girlish figure “I don’t eat anything after 5pm. Not a thing.”
But don’t distress, maybe you can arrange a bagel and lox brunch binge!