You’ve got to hand it to the Kabbalah Center for their never-ending search for viable profit streams: The L.A.-based Center has announced their latest product is a Kabbalah energy drink to be hawked by celebrity Kabblahblahist Ashton Kutcher, which should inspire legions of sorority girls to start mixing it in their cocktails.
Kabbalah Center spokesman Darin Ezra says, “We’re going after the Red Bull market. But Kabbalah Energy Drink tastes better.”
Marketing slogans, anyone?

We can’t believe someone hasn’t thought of this before, but here’s a way for the observant to have some light on Friday night without having to deal with some Shabbos goy traipsing around the house jiggling the wall switches. Because the Kosherlamp uses a shade, it is approved by the halachic powers that be, which makes us really happy for all our Orthodox friends who never get to read in bed on Shabbat.

Carlos Salas and conservative congregation Beth Shalom of Whittier, California have launched an “unprecedented” membership drive to bring Los Angeles area Latinos of Jewish origin back to their rightful heritage.
“We call them conversos,’ says Salas. “They are people who survived the Spanish Inquisition by converting to Catholicism. To avoid persecution, many of them moved to Mexico. While they practiced Catholicism outwardly, they still lit candles on Friday night and did many of the Jewish rituals.’
Possibly the first Spanish/Hebrew teacher ever in L.A., Salas teaches at a two synagogues in Mexico (one in Baja, one in Tijuana, which he founded and has 72 families.) He says he will have no problema finding Latinos to join Beth Shalom and estimates 3 out of every 10 Latino people have Judaism somewhere in their ancestry.
We’re really excited to see what this fusion of cultures means for modern Judaism; perhaps we will move away from a stereotypical, Eastern European, Askenazic view of ourselves. And there’s something truly hip about a mariachi hora, dontcha think?

Poor Rodney Dangerfield. He’s been dead for months now, but some geek CNN producer called up his publicist last week to see if the network get a comment for a story on Johnny Carson’s demise. The publicist reportedly said yes, but only if CNN had a satellite hook-up to heaven.

Yitzhak (Ishaq) Levin of Kabul passed away last week, making Zevulun Simantov the last remaining Jew in Afghanistan. You’d think Zev might be lonely, having to care for the tiny synagogue all by himself, but apparently he’s glad Levin is out of the way so he can exercise full control over his congregation…of no one. He told the JPost that he felt “no sadness” at the passing the only other person in the entire country who shared his religious and spiritual views: “He was a very bad man who tried to get me killed…Now I am the Jew here. I am the boss.”
Yes, but who will he dress for on the High Holidays?

The origin of the sheets emblazoned with WWII “Jude” stars remains a mystery, in spite of the manufacturers’ efforts to get to the bottom of this disturbing interior design fiasco. J. reports that Salem and Sons, the parent company of Nature at Home, have traced the fabric to a factory in South Carolina but have not unraveled how the sheets came to be for sale in fifteen Grocery Outlets across California. A total of 24 sets (we assume this means a fitted sheet, a flat one and two pillowcases) have been pulled from the shelves. Since Salem and Sons claims that almost every one of their employees is Jewish, we can only assume at least one of them is blind.

We don’t normally think of our Orthodox brethren as lawbreakers, but it seems that the highly religious may develop a reputation as deliquents: NewScientist.com reports on an Israeli study that found out ultra-Orthodox Jews of Bnei-Brak were three times as likely to jaywalk than their secular neighbors. The article suggests that “religious people take more risks because they are more fatalistic and have less fear of death,” but it seems to us that not holding a child’s hand while crossing a busy intersection falls under the category of bad parenting rather deep faith. We’re curious if there will be more studies on whether the devoutly uncautious don’t wear their seat belts and leave their cars unlocked in bad neighborhoods.
*thanks to Boy Genius Hooli-oh for this one!

After narrowly escaping the Nazis in Hungary, Ephraim Kishon went on to a long career as Israel’s most famous humorist, producing plays, essays, movie scripts and countless stories.
In a eulogy on Sunday, Prime Minister Ariel Sharon said “Ephraim Kishon was one of the giants of Israeli culture, who created an entire cultural world for a country in formation; he created an entire world of culture for the country.”
We’re really embarrassed that we have not read a thing by him, but we promise that will change immediately.
Kishon died in Switzerland from a heart attack last week. He leaves behind a massive body of work that should keep Jews busy and laughing for many generations to come.

So according to former Jewish grand rabbi Mordechai Eliahu, singing in the shower isn’t kosher.
From Australia’s News.com:”You will not sing in the shower,” the former leader of Israel’s Sephardic Jews instructed a listener inquiring about Talmudic laws on an ultra-Orthodox religious radio program. Rabbi Eliahu explained that the Hebrew language, holy to the Jewish religion, “was not to be sullied by use in a bathroom.” Humming, however, is considered acceptable as long as no Hebrew crosses the mind while attending to one’s personal hygiene.
The Talmud makes no reference to bleating out show tunes and the Grateful Dead while bathing, so we guess we’re cool?

Here’s a shot of Kabbalah-wannabe Britney Spears engaging in one her favorite activities: getting silly tattoos that represent her “undying faith.” Her latest holy skin additions are a Hebrew symbol on the back of her neck that somehow means “the power of healing” (you may recall that her first Hebrew tattoo translated into nonsense; either it got fixed or she just crossed it out and inked on a new one) and a pair of pink dice on her wrist to match her husband Kevin’s blue ones. Classy and sincere.