…Jdate sucks. Read Esther’s latest amusing, yet ineffective, correspondence with JDate at JDaters Anonymous. We’re so sorry about your travails, dear, and know you must be frusturated as all get-out, but if trying to communicate with the retards in their “Customer Care” department keeps you this funny, we hope they never take down your profile.

J. writer Roy S. Gutterman muses on the entertainment potential of Jews trying to get together:

As if the tsunami victims don’t have enough tsuris, the Kabbalah Center has thrown their hat into the disaster aid ring by sending 10,000 liters of their specially blessed water to Southeast Asia. Considering the majority of that population practices Islam, wouldn’t the funds be better spent on plain old distilled water from Safeway?

We like to pretend we’re real tough, but our hard little hearts were deeply affected by watching the gross decimation as the tsumani claimed so many lives. We want to help, but we feel like our fifty bucks ain’t gonna do much towards the aftermath of God’s wrath. But Aish.com reminds us to not be so self-absorbed:
In addition to monetary aid, writer Sara Yoheved Rigler suggests a
spiritual response should also be considered. When you ask yourself “What can
I do?” here are some spiritual responses:
1. Allow yourself to mourn for the tragic loss of life. Do not emotionally
distance yourself by burying your heart, feel the pain.
2. Recognize the fragility — and therefore the preciousness — of life.
The people on the beaches of Southeast Asia that day had no warning
this would be their final hour. Neither will we. Appreciate the
preciousness of every hour.
3. Recognize the spiritual effect of every action you do — not just on
yourself but on the world. Petty lying, stealing, cheating, gossip,
promiscuity, and exploitation set in motion waves of negativity. When
many people engage in such actions, those waves can build up into tidal
waves.
4. Change one action. Undertake to do a good deed or eschew one kind of
negative behavior. This is a better defensive measure than any early
warning system.

So we’re going to stop lying, gossiping, cheating and/or exploiting in order to help the world. But we still wish we could send more money.

We here at Jmerica love basketball. Among our staff, three of us went to University of Arizona, arguably the most consistent powerhouse in college basketball, one of us has season Heat tickets, and one of us loves Fantasy Hoops like ODB loved crack. Needless to say, this picture from the AP brought a smile to our face.

Hey everyone, we’re ringing in the New Year with some great news. We just had our 10,000th unique member register! So pop open another bottle of bubbly and toast member stevenmaven! We want to thank everyone who signed up and we hope everyone is having as much fun with this little project as we are. We have a lot of changes planned for 2005 so keep stopping by and let your friends know about Jmerica.com!

You knew this was coming, especially with all the weight people are putting on around the holidays. Rabbi Morris Allen of Mendota Heights wanted to shed some pounds, so he started the South Beach diet and made it kosher. Turns out it worked for him and he shed quite a few pounds. Now apparently, this is a pretty popular low-carb diet. Funny, some of us Jmericans live in Miami and we thought the South Beach diet was cocaine and Power Bars. You learn something new everyday. The picture is from the website of one of our favorite Boston eateries, Zaftig’s.

It was a simple equation… Jmerica + AJAX Entertainment + Crobar + 1400 great looking people = The Eve Party. And let us just say it was a BLOWOUT to rival any party in the country, any day of the year. We want to give a HUGE shoutout to the crews from the ADL, AJC/YPN, Young President’s Club of Mount Sinai Medical Foundation and Park Avenue Entertainment for coming out. They were treated to bartenders and dancers in Junkfood fashions serving up drinks with 42 Below vodka. But don’t believe us- the night was documented in pictures by 2night.com, or if you prefer a more artistic approach, Tomas Loewy. Jmerica’s own photographer was hard at work as well so check our Events page for even more shots. If you missed it, at least now you know where you’ll be December 24th, 2005- The Eve Party!!!

We know we always scoff at movie versions of our favorite books, but we’re definitely looking forward to the adaptation of Herman Wouk’s Marjorie Morningstar, a timeless comng-of-age novel about a Jewish girl who hits it big in Hollywood. Of couse, it’s already been done; back in 1958 Natalie Wood starred in a humdrum, ethnically-downplayed production, but this time they’re actually using a Jewish actress: double Golden Globe nominee Scarlett Johansson. (Don’t let the Danish moniker fool you, this brainy babe is Jewish on her mom’s side.)

It turns out Bowlmor Lanes, Manhattan’s most popular bowling alley and the site of many a swank bar mitzvah, had a secret investor in Yasser Arafat to the tune of $1.3 million. Strike Holdings LLC, Bowlmor’s parent company, has returned the funds and severed ties with the firm that made the investment, so bowling is again no longer interesting.