Blog posts will be spotty for the rest of 2004 as the main typing hands of this collective consciousness known as Jmerica escape to DSL-deprived regions of the world. We’ll miss you, but we’ll be back soon with the latest Jews in the news and a refreshed attitude.

We decided we won’t be done partying after The Eve Party on the 24th. The following day, which we’re told is some sort of holiday for most people, we will be heading to Automatic Slims (Map) on South Beach in Miami after we eat Chinese. Anyone who has been there will tell you Slims is the best rock bar on the beach. The catch is that it’s pretty small, so get there EARLY (before 11). AS ALWAYS AT AUTOMATIC SLIMS, THERE IS NO COVER!!!

Aww, shucks, SomethingJewishUK harshes on Joel Moss and his Bissel Rap in this week’s Super 7, saying that “while we respect his good intentions, his attempt to break into the Jewish rap…is just embarrassing, and brings back bad memories of Two Live Jews, who at least were a parody.”
Gosh, we know we’re provincial and all, but we really liked it! Sure, if every single one of his raps kept drawing on every minorly Jewish-related item from the lexicon it would get tired, but as a single, it’s a well-referenced introduction to a new voice. We still love ya, SJ, but then again, we love everybody, don’t we?

We’ve been a bit slow to jump on this guy’s train, but ya know everything gets to us later on the West Coast. So thanks once again to Alli at Jewlicious for providing us this clip of Matisyahu: Watch and become entranced by his chasidic-style dub as we have.
Is it okay to have a big sexy crush on a frum man?

We get fairly annoyed when someone assumes to wish us a “Merry Christmas”, so you’d think we’d love to hear that Christian students and their parents are having to fight back against “the growing campaign in America to remove any trace of Christmas from public life.” In Massachusetts, a small town mayor was forced to apologize for inviting people to a “Christmas party” instead of a general holiday gathering and a Kansas newspaper had to refer to a decorated arborial sacrifice as a “community tree.” In other words, it’s no longer politically correct to refer to December 25 as Jesus’ birthday party to avoid offending those of us who celebrate those other winter holidays like Chanukah, Kwanzaa and Solstice.
We appreciate the breathing room (really, nothing makes us more nauseous than some lady wearing blinky earrings going on about the baby Jesus,) but somehow it all smacks of social censorship in the worst way. Instead of removing all mention of the religious origins of all these holidays, wouldn’t educating children instead foster something like tolerance and understanding? The JPost ran this story about how a Chicago school is handling the “December Dilemma” by teaching a group of mixed-faith kids the truth about Christmas as well as Chanukah, which will have purists squirming in their seats. But if Jewish and other non-Christian parents so fear that any mention of Jesus will immediately brainwash their children into genuflecting, perhaps they’re not providing enough real information about their own religions.

There’s no anesthetic like a good cocktail, so here’s the Top Ten Jewish Mixed Drinks, courtesy of bangitout.com:

10. Shirley Temple Emanuel
9. Babba Kamma-kazi
8. Blackhat Russian
7. Kahuna and Cream
6. Fuzzy Navel V’Kinor
5. Shomer-Sangria
4. Long Island Wisotsky Tea
3. Tefillah Slurrer
2. Purum and Joke
1. Shas on the Beach
And from their comments section: “Today I am a Man”-hattan

We’ve been a lil’ lushy ourselves:
Dirty Martinowitz (vodka, vermouth, kosher pickle juice)
Brandy Abraham (brandy, whipped cream, creme de cacao and a dash of Havdalah spices)
Flaming Manischewitz (151 Rum, wine, fire)

We’re still perfecting our secret hangover cure, but two aspirin crushed in a V-8 juice is a good stand-by. We’ll keep you posted.

Check out “A Bissel Rap” by the linguistically gifted Joel Moss with DJ Dour at supermasterpiece.com. It takes a master to mix up “borscht” and “Porsche” with references to the Pirkei Avot, yo!
c/o Weird Jews.

In what has got to be the world’s stupidest attempt to bring nature home, five University of Detroit students were apprehended before the first night of Chanukah for hacking down three evergreens from a Jewish cemetery. The urban Bunyans professed no knowledge that the big, grassy place with all the headstones was a sacred resting place (der…we thought it was just a park, ocifer…) but admitted they had planned to take the pilfered pines back to their dorm rooms to use as Christmas trees. (The article has their full names– some of which might be Jewish. Such a shanda!)
No punishment has been handed down yet, but we propose that these young idiots be ordered to pay for and plant five trees for every one they murdered- and do it before Tu B’Shvat (the New Year for Trees) on January 25.

We know we always get all mushy when Friday night comes around, but shutting down this electronic box and striking up some elemental light truly feels like a gift after six straight days of flourescent glow. When it comes to Jewish observance, we’re so far from perfect we can’t even remember the address, so we’re totally loving Aish’s Shabbat Site, which has yer basic Shabbos necessities as well as plenty of interesting personal and spiritual commentary.
For more Shabbat learning, there’s jewishgates.com, which also contains a wonderfully clear explanation of Havdalah so we can greet a new week without grumbling.
Enjoy your rest, homies!

12 year-old Julliard student Jay Greenberg is being touted as the next Mozart, having already composed five full-length symphonies by the time most of us have barely mastered middle C.
“We are talking about a prodigy of the level of the greatest prodigies in history when it comes to composition,” says Sam Zyman, a composer, Julliard professor and former child prodigy himself. “I am talking about the likes of Mozart, and Mendelssohn, and Saint-Sans…This is an absolute fact. This is objective. This is not a subjective opinion.”
His parents, a linguistic scholar and an Israeli-born painter, are not musicians, but thankfully they encouraged their son when he began “hearing music in his head” at the age of three. The article doesn’t mention whether “Bluejay” (his preferred nickname, as bluejays are “small and loud”) has found time to study for his bar mitzvah in between performing and composing, and we wonder if we will hear the influence of some of the great Jewish composers in his future work.
Go, Bluejay!