We made the unfortunate radio choice of Berkeley’s KPFA this morning while on carpool duty as Amy Goodman of Democracy Now presented an astonishingly one-sided report on the latest chaos in Gaza. While the Israeli army has launched a massive offense against Palestinian rocket attacks in the past five days, the “leftist” media has again portrayed Israel as violent aggressors, paying little attention to the circumstances that have led to what some might view as a highly organized defense against guerilla warfare. Goodman entertained two Palestinian guests from the Palestinian refugee camp of Jabalya, but when London Guardian reporter Chris McGreal began listing the terrorist acts commited by Hamas that led up to last week’s airstrikes, she cut him off. So much for free speech. Manipulative media now, democracy some other time!
Man, are we weary of blanket liberalism that refuses to examine history and facts. This second intifada, now in its fourth year of ripping through the Holy Land, is so mired in “us against them” ideology that it’s starting to get creepy around here. Even though we don’t presume to know what breakfast in Gaza must be like, we know we don’t like journalists who only present a little bit of truth in order to serve their own agendas.
Maybe the world will look a little better after a latte.

A new study by San Francisco’s Institute for Jewish & Community Research shows that up to 50% of Jewish community employees leave within the first five years. Even though we want to serve our community by working at JCCs and various other organizations, there’s this extra guilt trip presumed by bosses that makes it more like working for your mother. Jessica Ravitz of J. Weekly sums up why so many of us lively, idealistic young people quit jobs working for the Jewish community: “For San Francisco, in 2003, the qualifying income for a single person was $32,050. Eligible employees working in our Jewish community could fill a housing project. Instead, we

So, like, according to our favorite bathroom lit, The National Enquirer, Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan, like, totally dissed Demi Moore by refusing to wear the Kabbalah bendel she gave her? It was pretty rude, considering Demi is, like, old enough to be Lindsay’s mom, and like, we were always taught to receive gifts from older people with a smile, even if they’re lame? Lindsay used to be totally into Kabbalah, but her boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama said it was all bunk, right? So then Demi’s boyfriend, so-hott Ashton Kutcher, got way fierce with his That 70’s Show costar Wilmer and like, their double-dating days are so over.

Jmerica is everywhere these days, but our Los Angeles and South Beach staff members are particularly well-situated to spot some J celebrities here and there. Yes, we know it’s not news, but we’re blogging it anyway- cuz we feel like it.

While trying on some jeans in the spankin’ new G-Star store on Melrose in L.A., we looked over to see tall and famous Jew Jeff Goldblum. He complained to the clerk that he was wearing his only pair of jeans. He was with some smokin’ hot 6-foot blond (? shiksa) who helped him pick out a fly pair. Now he has two. You heard it here.

The Christian Science Monitor reports that at least one Italian is p.o.’d about the way his people are portrayed in Dreamworks’ latest kiddie flick, Shark Tale, which features Robert De Niro as a mafioso shark. Lawrence Auriana, president of the New York-based Columbus Citizens Foundation, calls out Golden Jew Steven Spielberg for ethnic stereotyping, saying he should know better. Dreamworks says it stands by its product as good, clean family entertainment (which we plan to confirm this weekend while in the company of small children who share our love of talking fish and Junior Mints.)
We Jews get our hackles raised pretty often about ethnic stereotypes in the movies (is an aggro shark the same as killing Jesus?) but our bottom line is that if a joke’s funny, we laugh. Even at the Jewish ones.

A Canadian man in jail for “wilfully promoting hatred against Jewish people via the Internet” has been denied Internet access, but they can’t stop him from communicating with extraterrestrial beings. See, this guy isn’t just your run-of-the-mill whackjob; he’s the “Grande World Councilor, Lion of Judah, authority in the reclamation of planet earth for the Federation of Free Planets and the restoration of paradise, guardian of the Arab Prophetess Uthrania Seila, enlightened advisor to the financial elite, sapphire to the pyramid of man’s evolution, ex-engineering technician, author, and more!”
Bet you’d trade all those titles for a DSL line now, schmuck!

Cutie-pie Jewish blogger Superflous Juxtaposition in Los Angeles recounts the lamest ever Jdate that never was. Her comment feature isn’t working, so we’ll just say it here:
Honey, if a guy breaks his nose and his cell phone before you’ve even met, why would you even consider bringing your heart anywhere near this schlemiel?

According to E! online, the Egyptian government has seen to it that our beloved Maddonaesther will never see the Sphinx.
“According to published reports, Egyptian politicians have moved to bar the pop goddess from entering the country because of her recent visit to Israel and her devotion to Kabbalah. The fact that Madonna has no immediate plans to visit pyramid country apparently did not deter members of Egypt’s parliament from issuing an order to never issue a visa to the singer sometimes known as Esther.”
Sheesh, we could understand protesting a concert or something, but banning her from the whole country just because she’s (kind of) Jewish seems weirdly dramatic. Isn’t Egypt supposed to be a “friendly” Arab neighbor, or at least one of the not-so-insane ones? Is Egypt taking an active anti-Semitic stance here or is it just opposed to Kabbalist quasi-Jews who travel with overzealous bodyguards and an entourage of 2000 people? Wouldn’t it actually benefit Egypt to bring Madonna and her zoo to lubricate the local economy? My, my, this Kabbalahpalooza mishegoss has gotten rather political. What if the Kabbalah Center’s giant peace extravaganza instead ignites Armageddon?!
(That’s us being weirdly dramatic.)

The artist formerly known as Cat Stevens was deported back to Britain from Washington last week after his name appeared on the U.S. no-fly list (how he was allowed to board the plane in the first place remains the future reason for some underling’s imepending unemployment.) Yusef Islam is suspected of having ties to terrorist groups, but Jewish leaders in the UK swear the guy’s all about the love.
However, the Canada’s National Post reports that a videotape exists of Cat/Yusef making some not-so-nice references to Judaism at a Canadian Hamas meeting in 1998 (link c/o Jack Be Nimble.)
So, is the guy a terrorist or a moderate Muslim peacenik? More importantly, will we still be able to enjoy listening to “Moonshadow” without a discomforting twinge?

Laugh all you want, but Barry Manilow is cool again. As far as we’re concerned, there was never a time when he wasn’t. Should he make out San Francisco way, we’ll be there in the orchestra seats next to the fifty-something ladies throwing their panties onstage.