…so he couldn’t possibly be this guy:

Museum visitor destroys priceless vases

A museum director’s nightmare came true when a visitor tripped on his shoelace, stumbled down a stairway and destroyed a set of priceless 300-year-old Chinese vases.

The three vases, dating from the late 17th or early 18th century, had stood on a windowsill at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge for at least 40 years. Their prominent position made them among its best-known artifacts.

The museum refused to name the visitor, who was unhurt.

Say, Dad did have a day’s layover in London … and sure, he’s a surgeon, but he can be a little klutzy (I’m thinking about that time he tried to repair a phone line in the attic and I walked into the bathroom to see his bottom half dangling from the ceiling) …

No. Surely, after three weeks volunteering at a Pakistani hospital, he’d spend his first few hours back in the Western world ordering room service and watching cable, not in some stuffy museum tripping over his shoelaces … right?

He emailed a few days ago that he was planning to wear a kaffiyeh (Arab headscarf) to deflect attention in the car ride on the way to Islamabad, which I’m hoping he took off before he hit customs in the UK.

And look, Dad, even if you did visit any museums yesterday, we won’t ask any questions. We just want you back, safe and sound.

*”The Broken Flower Pot” by 19th-century artist Jan C. Verhas seemed like an appropriate image to accompany this post. That poor anonymous guy must’ve felt just like these kids.