While trolling Ynetnews I came across the obvious and largely irrelevant item that a group of Israeli researchers has determined that the majority of penis enlargement recipients are dissatisfied.

In fact, the urologists interviewed recommended rather than believing the hype and spam about the procedure, men with inferior wee-wees would do better to seek professional counseling.

I say creative expression is the answer. The question is, when is some enterprising guy going to pen a one-man show for Broadway about these issues? He could call it The Penis Soliloquies. Or Dick Dramas. Or make up your own: [Your favorite penis synonym] + [another word for “monologue”.]

Speaking of the play that brought the correct word for female genitalia back to the dinner table, The Vagina Monologues‘ creator Eve Ensler has a new show that takes her quick wit and wisdom out of her crotch to emcompass the rest of her:

According to the Reuters review, The Good Body Ensler takes on body image and the pervasive cultural dysfunction that women must be thin to be considered beautiful. (Right, we’re the richest country in the world, but it’s only after visiting Third World countries that she finds any kind of social acceptance for the round female form.)

Ensler probably won’t get as much play from this one since vaginas have so much more cachet than the continuing assault of “thin = valuable, fat = worthless piece of crap” messages in the media, but bless her for keeping the defense alive. The subject matter is still relevant — it’s not like someone’s discovered a cure for eating disorders and poor self-esteem in teenage girls or that big women have suddenly become revered as our society’s mainstream sexual image.

Nothing bums me out more than to hear a gorgeous, intelligent woman reveal her insecurities about her body, as if a big ass or belly roll cancels out all her other accomplishments. And I get on my own nerves endlessly as I obsess about the cellulite patches on my thighs and the loose skin under my bellybutton that looks like a cat played a not-so-gentle game of shred-the-mouse with it, because dontcha know, after having two kids, you’re supposed to look like this.

So you keep on monlogue-ing about vaginas and fat armpits, Eve Ensler, you rock.

And dudes, you’re being too quiet about your insecurities. Take that small putz and start a revolution.