I’m pretty sure I still have thank-you notes to write from my wedding eight years ago, so I can’t be expected to order (in advance) those lavish and lovely cards real Jewish grown-ups send out (on time) to friends and family. So here’s a compilation of all the electronic greetings all the rest of you slackers can send with just a few clicks. No, e-cards aren’t nearly as classy or personal, but they help assuage the guilt. Besides, they’re free.

First off, stay away from Supergreetingcards.com — there’s something weirdly Jesus-y about them; plus, they got the date of Rosh Hashanah wrong on the home page. And the singing squirrels and apples playing guitar at cards.123india.com take the “mooshy-gooshy” factor so far you may feel like barfing.

Egreetings.com has by far the most original and artistic Flash art and E-cards.com has some nice stills (as in non-animated), but both sites require membership and Yenta don’t play like that. They do have a free trials though, so maybe you’ll check it out.

Chabad has a decent shofar/tree of life dealio that’s quite pretty, but as far as no commitment, entirely free e-cards go, your best bets are HappyDayCards (though the beaver offering is completely retarded), Roshhashanah-cards.com (more dancing apples, but the food one is nice for all the gastronomical Jews in your address book) and Roshhashanah-greetings.com (more with the shimmying fruit and annoying furry animals, but there’s a couple of things you won’t cause you shame.)

Even if you’ve never sent any kind of Rosh Hashanah card to anyone in your (self-absorbed, lazy) life, take a few minutes to send out one these. Your mother will plotz, at the very least.