In what has got to be the world’s stupidest attempt to bring nature home, five University of Detroit students were apprehended before the first night of Chanukah for hacking down three evergreens from a Jewish cemetery. The urban Bunyans professed no knowledge that the big, grassy place with all the headstones was a sacred resting place (der…we thought it was just a park, ocifer…) but admitted they had planned to take the pilfered pines back to their dorm rooms to use as Christmas trees. (The article has their full names– some of which might be Jewish. Such a shanda!)
No punishment has been handed down yet, but we propose that these young idiots be ordered to pay for and plant five trees for every one they murdered- and do it before Tu B’Shvat (the New Year for Trees) on January 25.