I know, like what kind of Oedipal-issues therapy case would wear this one from Jewtee.com? But surely it’s making someone happy.

Personally, any request to stop the complaining is more my speed. At the Yenta house, we like to say “Stop kvetching — I don’t speak Whinese.”

And because I spent a lot of time today with the Senior Yentas who happen to share my brand of corny humor, here’s the timeless “If Famous People Had Jewish Mothers” joke:

MONA LISA’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on
braces?”

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS’ JEWISH MOTHER:
“I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still should have written!”

MICHELANGELO’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Why can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard
it is to get this junk off the ceiling?”

NAPOLEON’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“All right, if you’re not hiding your report card inside your jacket,
take your hand out of there and show me!”

ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Again with the hat! Why can’t you wear a baseball cap like the other
kids?”

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss
your allowance good-bye!”

THOMAS EDISON’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now
turn it off and go to sleep!”

PAUL REVERE’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man,midnightis long
past your curfew!”

And then these two, who really did have Jewish mothers:

ALBERT EINSTEIN’S JEWISH MOTHER:
“But it’s your senior photo! Couldn’t you have done something
about your hair?”

MOSES’ JEWISH MOTHER:
“That’s a good story! Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last
forty years.”

Now pick up the phone and call the womb from whence you came. Texting her don’t count, homie.