Yo, Yenta!
Is 23 too young to be bitter and cynical about men? I never thought I would be the type of woman to label all men as “the same” but my experiences prove otherwise. I’m an intelligent, down to earth, attractive grad student (plus I love to cook!) who is looking for a nice Jewish boy. I try to be open minded when dating but I can’t seem to find a well-adjusted, educated man who will make me laugh. I know all men can’t be as immature and dull as the ones I’ve met, but I’m starting to lose hope. Is it over for me or can you see my beshert in the distance?
What’s a nice Jewish girl to do?
Yo, NJG!
I shall answer your first question first: Yes. At 23, you couldn’t possibly understand what it means to be bitter and cynical. At 43, when you’re living in a studio with eight cats you might, but honey, you’re barely legal from my vantage point. Plenty of time to find the Jewish prince of your dreams and that’s what it’s going to take: Time.
See, at 23, most males, Jewish or not, should still be classified as children. (I have met all of two exceptions; one is gay, the other already married.) Even if you’re able to stick a toe into the pool of over-25rs, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone unscathed by childhood with a great job and an endless bag of jokes that don’t make you cringe. And most of us are immature and dull at least some of the time, not matter how old we get.
The thing about this beshert thing is that it’s in God’s hands ya can’t speed up the process, you can only have faith. Maybe he (and you!) need more time to mellow, to have experiences that will shape you into better people, to sow the wild oats of one’s 20’s. So cultivate patience, acceptance and a friendly relationship with the moment happening to you right now. Not only will these qualities help you with frusturation of being single, they will aid you in once that relationship once it comes along. Which I can almost guarantee won’t be quite as idealistic as you might imagine. When you’ve been married for ten years and are picking up his wet towels off the wood floor for the fifitieth time this week, that studio with the giant litter box might seem quite attractive.
The good news is that you’re only 23! Go to Bali with just a backpack, work on your thesis at 3am, keep dating but take your own car, explore your Jewish identity and practice. All these things will lead you to wherever and with whomever you’re supposed to be stop kvetching and enjoy yourself.
Good advice!
And if all else fails, come on over to JDaters Anonymous, where our slogan is: “There’s always someone more bitter than you…”
OK, just kidding. That’s not the slogan. It’s “Singles, welcome home.” Kinder, no?
LOL, Esther ~ Yes, NJG, go see JDA! There’s only bitter married people around here…
Good advice. Go take a trip, chill out. Don’t give into the whole ” I must have 5 kids by the time I’m 25″ shpiel.
This post made me kind of bitter. Is it really 15 years since I was 23. When did I become an old man, or old enough to agree that 23 is still very young.
You are the best blog mistress ever!!! Cant wait till you get here!!!!
Love H
Haha, Jack – you’re older than me…nyaahnyahhhayah 🙂
Yup, 23. So. Long. Ago.
I’m a man in my 50’s and a life-long cynic. Take it from me, men really are schmucks (to the extent that the moniker ‘man’ has become comical to me). Life’s stinks and then one dies, so chill out, finish the degree, get and be Jewish, and don’t bother to ponder the inscrutables of life. If you want a guy you’ll find one, but don’t make an issue of it, and don’t settle. Check out the articles written by Tali Farkash in the Jewish section of Ynetnews.com – all about the tzuris of a young frum woman navigating her way through the wiles of hareidi life – unknown to her, much of her stuff is not unique to hareidi women.
-Schvach