Yo, Yenta!
I’m having a hard time filling out my profile for Jmerica. What is it with all the weird questions? Some of these things don’t apply to me at all, and I can’t imagine caring what someone else would go to jail for. I just want to attract someone like me: normal.

– Single Jewish Male, Los Angeles, CA

Yo, SJM: Before you dis and dismiss our carefully crafted Jmerica questionnaire, especially designed by a team of brilliant Yale psychologists who have distilled the prime attributes of human behavior into these seemingly simple topics, consider this:

Would you want to date anyone who people said looked like Joan Rivers? Or thinks it’s hilarious when old ladies fall in the street? Or would go to jail for the food? Conversely, wouldn’t you be intrigued to know that a person has been told she looks like a cross between Carmen Electra and Golda Meir? Or cracks up at the sight of anything to do with porn? Or has already been to jail for standing up for the rights of children and animals? It’s all useful information when you’re trying to find your perfect match. As for what it means to be “normal,” I hope you know in some circles it’s considered a euphemism for “boring.”

Meditate on your true self and unearth the qualities that will interest the opposite sex. Even if you’re just looking for someone to sit next to while you count silverware or whatever it is “normal” people do, show some creativity while ya do it.